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Dueling habits: shopping, Internet
By JASON ASHLEY WRIGHT World Scene Writer
Published: 9/29/2009 2:20 AM
Last Modified: 9/29/2009 8:10 AM
Read Jason Ashley Wright's Blog
Methinks it's getting close to rehab time.
While running with FGP last week, I injured my Achilles tendon. Or, if you're a fan of Greek mythology in modern cinema, the Brad Pitt tendon.
Whatever it is, it hurts. Maybe just a three on a scale of one to 10, but enough to warrant a respite from exercise and, thankfully, a prescription for cyclobenzaprine — hence the rehab reference.
Not that I'm taking more than I should; I'm just ever-so-slightly loopy. I'm also E-S-S melodramatic, in case you haven't picked up on that over the years. I figure I'm fine until my peripheral vision gets all cloudy, like Liz Taylor in a White Diamonds commercial. Oooh, that could be flattering. Seriously, next time someone takes your picture, ask them to smear a little Vaseline on their lens. And if they actually pull some petroleum jelly out of their pocket, run like pantyhose in a catfight.
Unless straying off point every other sentence makes me eligible, I won't be heading off to rehab just yet — or will I? Grab a Magic-8 Ball, let's discuss my fate.
Net effect
First, a disclaimer: I am by NO means making light of rehabilitation, having battled my own demons in the past.
However, when I saw a story on CBS.com over the weekend about Internet rehab, my first thought was that it was a news parody from my beloved Onion. A few seconds later, I was put in my proverbial place.
Apparently, Internet addiction disorder (IAD), although not recognized yet as far as I can tell in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), is legit. Of course, being the sponge that I am for pop-culture maladies, I took an IAD quiz to determine whether or not I had it. According to Netaddiction.com, I'm an "average online user." (What are you? Take the quiz at
tulsaworld.com/IADtest
).
To be honest, I was disappointed in my score. I mean, I'm the guy who used to be hooked on "SimCity" computer games. I'd come home from work, quickly feed the cat and start playing on the computer. On occasion, I wouldn't finish 'til I glanced at the clock thinking it was 10 p.m. when it was more like 3 a.m. Even scarier was when I had a couple of dreams about playing the game before a new version debuted. Hello, wake-up call.
Textual healing
Granted, I'm a pseudo-hypochondriac — something else the DSM doesn't recognize, along with my SBCD (shopping bag collection disorder). I'll actually experience symptoms of something, not know what it is, do some shallow research, then pick the worst health affliction associated with the symptom. Nausea and dizziness? Must be Ebola. As I alluded to earlier, I frequently set sail on the E-S-S Melodramatic when it comes to ailments.
I do admit I have a texting addiction, but I'm not about to pay the $14,000-plus like the guy's parents in the CBS.com story did. You could fill a lot of shopping bags with that money.
By JASON ASHLEY WRIGHT World Scene Writer
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