Dear Amy: Each year we host an elegant, upscale fundraiser on our estate for a local nonprofit. One of the major sources of income for this event is the multiple cash bars. We offer a variety of beverages, including fine wines.
For the past two years, one couple (who are close friends, neighbors and business associates) have hosted a "pre-party" at their home, which we, of course, cannot attend due to our preparation obligations. They then arrive late with several other couples in tow.
This year they even arrived with their own wine, which they not only drank but shared with several other couples.
I did not learn of their "private bar" until my husband and I walked them out. Near their vehicle was a pile of wine bottles dumped on the lawn. The amount of alcohol from the bottles left lying on our lawn amounted to about $300 to $400 in lost drink ticket sales.
I feel insulted and hurt, and I am stunned by their behavior. Aside from business associations, we see each other often. Am I overreacting? How should we handle this situation? - Wined Out
Dear Wined Out: You say, "Daisy and Tom, we found a pile of wine bottles on the lawn near your car, and I think they came from you and your guests. What's up with that?"
If you're stunned and disappointed, you should say so. I'm not suggesting that you bill these people for the estimated amount of spilled or drunk wine that might have gone to charity, but the advantage of speaking your own truth, plainly and clearly, is that you give someone who owes you an explanation or apology the opportunity to offer one.
And then after you have had your say, you move on. Don't dwell, punish or gossip. Consider the matter settled.
Next year you might enlist these people to join with you and use their pre-party as an additional fundraiser for the nonprofit. That way, not one drop will be wasted (unlike your guests).
Dear Amy: I was so incredibly touched by the letter from "Bryce," who lives in Kansas. Bryce was eager to thank neighbors (and others) who pushed up their sleeves to help his family - and other families - after a natural disaster. One idea was to host a dinner at a local restaurant, which he said is "struggling."
I hope he does this. What a great way to thank people and support a local business! - Touched
Dear Touched: I agree. Bryce should also repay this generosity "forward" by helping others in need.
Send questions via email to Amy Dickinson at
askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
Original Print Headline: Pre-party makes guests less charitable
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Dear Amy: My stepdaughter is in her late 30s and is getting married next year.
Dear Amy: I'm 17 years old and have a twin brother. Recently my parents went out of town, and my brother wanted to throw a party.
