Scene - Blogs - Apropos of noshing or in todays case hogging

Apropos of noshing (or, in today's case, hogging)
Published: 4/24/2008 6:12 PM
Last Modified: 4/24/2008 6:12 PM

I'm thinking about gaining all my weight back.

OK, maybe not really. But I'm becoming more rapidly apathetic in the healthy-eatin' department. In fact, I've been demoted from its chair to mere student -- one who's earning Cs and Ds.

It's not that I'm depressed -- totally, anyway. I just have this ongoing malaise peppered with ... Mmm ... OK, this is how sick I am -- I'm thinking about peppered mayonnaise. Anyway, it ain't depression, but it sho ain't happiness. Joylessness? No, it's laziness. L-A-Z- ... Well, y'all know how to spell it.

I have, thank you very much, gone for a few runs this week. And I should go for one now -- leave work, drive home, change into something even more unflattering than what I'm wearing today, and hit the trail with Blondie, Kylie, Goldfrapp and Dixie Chicks blaring in my ears.

Alas, I have the rest of a bag of Orville Redenbacher's popcorn -- the fully leaded, buttery-kerneled, arteries-be-damned version. I may just sit here and lick the inside of the bag. I've done it before -- after sucking the butter off the kernels, of course. Waste not, want not ...

Tonight? E's thinking about something from Cancun, one of my favorite restaurants and makers of THE best shrimp salad I've ever had. See, that's healthy. But somethin' in me (a demon, I say -- perhaps in the form of a tapeworm) wants to dip said salad in a vat of cheese. Not that nacho junk -- maybe a molten pot of Camembert or Brie or, heck, Velveeta.

Lord, it just hit me -- I know what I am now: A food junkie. I'm the guy you'll find in some dimly lit, big-city park or crack house -- except I'll be mainlining Crisco into my veins, perhaps piping buttercream frosting into my carotid while licking the beaters from a bowl of cake mix -- maybe even while they're still whirring.

Goodness, this is what happens when you decide to blog after drinking caffeine on an empty stomach. I think this is enough whining for now.

Peace, love and delicious self-loathing ... xoxo

Reader Comments

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Bryce (5 years ago)

I have a soft spot (lots of soft spots) for french fries dipped in mayo. Perfect combination of oral delight and cardiac death.

elly willy (5 years ago)

There is crack in those crackers.
Cheese, glorious cheese

FOOD JUNKIE (5 years ago)

You sound like me...I'll eat a nice healthy wrap, but want the side of cheese fries that I proceed to dip in ranch dressing. :)

Mom (5 years ago)

Diet Coke/Pepsi, etc. That's the secret. Have a sugarfree drink with your mega calorie meal and it neutralizes all those pesky calories! Don't believe me? Well, that's my theory and I live by it.

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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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2/5/2013		Jason Ashley Wright: Another suicide shocks, for now
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