For nearly a month since separation anxiety set in, our baby would angrily cry at us to visit her room at night. While we were hopeful we could gradually phase this out, baby knew that she could wait just a bit longer for us to answer... until we didn't. (Drawn by Althea Peterson)
On the day this blog appears online, my baby daughter will be 10 months old.
There are many challenges of parenting that only baby parents face, or only older kid parents face. However, tantrums are apparently universal, older kid or not.
Stereotypical kid tantrum: Angry yelling at parent
Baby tantrum: Angry crying at parent
Stereotypical kid tantrum: Throwing everything kid can get his or her hands on.
Baby tantrum: How did her pacifier end up 5 feet away from her crib?
Stereotypical kid tantrum: Will end when parent(s) does (do) want they want.
Baby tantrum: Ditto.
In our case, for at least the past month, our normally happy, healthy, growing baby girl was -- there's no other way to describe it -- throwing a nighttime tantrum when we weren't giving in to her demand that we:
a) Hold her
b) Be with her
c) Give her a pacifier
d) Get her back to sleep
Why can't a smart little baby do any of this on her own? Why do things herself when she can get mom and dad to?
The solution
My caffeine intake was increasing at work. Some nights were so bad that my eyes were tearing during the day at my desk (I hope everyone thought it was allergies instead). I called our pediatrician's office to speak to the nurse. Perhaps our baby was sick and needed an appointment.
The nurse told us to let her cry it out.
We confirmed that we were checking her for dirty diapers (no). We confirmed that it wasn't illness, such as an ear infection (it had been going on for at least a month). We confirmed that we had a perfect routine setup and ideal sleep situation: Regular bedtime, dark room away from parents, full stomach before sleep.
Cry it out.
It would take up to four days. Our baby may go on for a few hours. Our baby may even cry so hard that she vomits (she fortunately didn't). We needed to pick a time where we could commit to this for up to 4 days, and then get brave.
In practice
Night one: Our baby was so exhausted from the night before of not sleeping that she slept all night. Well, OK then.
Night two: Like many nights before, she let us know that she expected a nighttime parental visit about three hours after initial bedtime. We visited to confirm that she didn't have a dirty diaper, quietly told her to go back to sleep, then left.
She let us know in an angry cry (it's very distinct from being upset, injured, sad or scared) for about two hours that she did not approve.
It helped to have a spouse to cling to at night. We had never let her cry for so long without going to her side immediately before.
Night three: Once again, about two hours after initial bedtime, she cried for us. Again, we checked on her diaper and shushed her. 45 minutes later, her angry crying relented.
Night four: Less than 10 minutes of angry crying, she seemed to be figuring things out. Nighttime tantrum cured.
Tips for baby nighttime tantrums:
Don't reward bad behavior. Your baby likely loves to snuggle with you for hours in the middle of the night, get to see you whenever they cry, or even get fed. Your baby will be happier in the morning with a full night's sleep.Encourage her to do the right thing. We had spare pacifiers around her crib for her to find and soothe herself. We also removed any toys that lit up or played music from her reach at night.Don't let crying get the better of you. Would you remove your child from a vehicle's car seat or take off her seatbelt if she cried? A happy ending to rough nights
For the first time in at least a month, she's happy to see us in the morning again. A well-rested baby is ready to get out of bed, eat breakfast, and play with her well-rested parents.
-- Althea Peterson
Related entries:Dec. 24: Battle of wills: Kid vs. parent at bedtimeSept. 3: When a baby can't sleep and won't stop crying (possibly due to her first cold)
Althea Peterson is the proud mother of a 10-month old (today!) girl. Althea returned to work at the Tulsa World in May after two months of maternity leave. Baby advice, baby questions or baby words of encouragement can be sent to althea.peterson@tulsaworld.com. Also, follow Althea and other parents on Twitter at twitter.com/twbecauseisaid. You can also follow Althea at twitter attwitter.com/a1a4ou.
