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'Being Dead is No Excuse' -- unless pimento cheese is involved
Published: 1/25/2012 7:30 AM
Last Modified: 1/25/2012 12:05 PM

"Being Dead is No Excuse: the Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral" ($19.95, Miramax Books).

Funerals often bring out the best in people -- Southerners, at least.

It's not so much because we're on our best behavior out of respect for the deceased or those who are mourning, bless their hearts. It's because times of mourning are, ironically, the happiest moments for our taste buds. (Just don't admit it when you're paying your condolences because, well, that'd be tacky.)

This admission might make you clutch your pearls, Aunt Maybelline, but you know it's true. And God bless Gayden Metcalfe and dear Charlotte Hays for reminding us of it in "Being Dead is No Excuse -- the Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral."

Heralded (on the cover, no less) as "the definitive guide to that most important and festive of Southern rituals" (by "The Sweet Potato Queen" herself, Jill Connor Browne), "Being Dead" is not just a fabulously fun little read, it's a tasty, insightfully spiced page-turner brimming with Deep South recipes and quotable bon mots. Mmm, bon mots ...

I know from experience, having been blessed with God-graced cooks on both sides of my south Miss'ippi family, that showing up at a bereaved soul's house with a bad dish is like handing them a note that says, "Hey, Ho, I done killed yo husband! Ha!" Or something like that. Sorry, I'm concussed.

Anyhoo, Ms. Gayden and Ms. Charlotte show their Southern roots in this delightful book, which the fabulous Marsha Dunham passed along to me. I don't care which side of the Mason-Dixon you were born on, these are some seriously tasty recipes.

Among my faves are the Leland Grits Gruyere, Hot Pimiento Cheese with Bacon, Can't Die-Without-It Cake (very aptly named), Hot Feta Artichoke Dip, the Crocheted-Bedpan Award Chicken (oh, yes, there's a story behind that one) and -- thank you, Lord -- Green Bean Casserole.

Of course, you're going to find a delectable deviled egg recipe in here, and I'm curious whether or not the coconut cake comes close to my Mamaw's. (Doubt it -- but I hope someone buys this book, bakes the cake and hollers at me. Please.)

As I haven't had the pleasure to meet Ms. Gayden or Ms. Charlotte, I was paranoid to publish one of their recipes without permission. But our dear food writer, Nicole Marshall Middleton, included a pimento cheese recipe from Paula Deen's son Bobby recently, and I thought I'd repeat it (because it's freakin' awesome):

Bobby's Pimento Cheese
1 (3-ounce) package cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup grated sharp cheddar
1 cup grated Monterey Jack
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/2 teaspoon House Seasoning (recipe follows)
2 to 3 tablespoons pimentos, smashed
1 teaspoon grated onion
Cracked black pepper

1. Using an electric mixer, beat cream cheese until smooth and fluffy. Add all of the remaining ingredients, and beat until well blended. It can be used as a dip for crudite or as a sandwich filling. (Or you can tell your friends you cut up some veggies, then smile and wave as they leave your house, and run back into the kitchen, grab a spoon, dim the lights and lick the dang bowl while you watch the cemetery scene from "Steel Magnolias." Or whatever you want, I ain't gonna judge.)

House Seasoning:
1 cup salt
1/4 cup black pepper
1/4 cup garlic powder

1. Mix ingredients together, and store in an airtight container for up to 6 months.
-- Food Network

Peace, love and a boat load of pimento cheese, bless her heart ... XOXO

Reader Comments

4 Total

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ok2507 (last year)

love pimento cheese....thanks Jason!

Thunder196 (last year)

Deviled eggs, my down fall. Love them.

I'm not too sure about bring out the best in everyone. The last two funerals I attended brought out some challanging moments.

One was when the wife did not appreciate the mistress taking a front row seat at the funeral.

tdlrenault (last year)

Thank you for making me laugh so hard while I'm supposed to be working. :) I shall have to own this book...maybe I'll make the coconut cake.

Ric (last year)

I love pimento cheese, but the last time I ate it I had a severe allergic reaction. I had stuff shooting out of every orifice, even my ears... lol

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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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