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Bless their hearts: Non-Southerners figured out what we REALLY mean
Published: 10/22/2012 8:00 AM
Last Modified: 10/19/2012 6:07 PM


Scarlett had a mess of problems, didn't she? Not the least of which was being a big ol' husband-stealing whore, bless her heart ...

I am quite proud of being a Southerner.

A few folks have written over the years to tell me to stop using "y'all," writing about my Mamaw or talking about food in my columns. Well, that ain't ever gonna happen, and I've suggested they stop reading. Politely, of course, with a "bless your heart."

Many of us know, though, that "bless her/his heart" is probably the most passive-aggressive utterance in the Southern lexicon. It's like the most public inside joke in the South.

Southern woman of a certain age: "Is Mildred sick?"
Another Southern lady: "Yes, Heavens."
Southern woman of a certain age: "Probably the clap, bless her heart."
Another Southern lady: "Yes, Heavens, bless her."

Basically, it's something you utter -- often, with feigned sympathy -- after saying something rude or gossipy about another individual behind his or her back. Like it's a penance for having said the rude or gossipy thing in the first place -- a verbal Band-Aid, if you will.

Of course, if someone says "Bless your heart!" to your face, they probably mean it, like a more polite way of saying "That sucks, I'm sorry!"

It's all well and good. It's accepted throughout the South, has been for at least two or three generations, right?

But other non-Southerners have been picking up on this for a while now, which might jeopardize the phrase -- i.e., make it antiquated to the point that no one says it anymore. It's the same reason you probably haven't heard a Southerner rhapsodize about "Damn Yankees" since the the mid-'90s revival of the Broadway musical -- because Northerners finally figured out most Southerners who were saying something about "Damn Yankees" didn't even know it was about baseball. Or that it was even a musical, for that matter. Another phrase, gone with the wind.

But I guess that's what we get for saying "bless his/her heart" in the first place. We oughta refrain from saying negative things, then pray for the individual or offer them a word of encouragement. Such as, "Whatever Mildred has, I hope it heals quickly and that none of her 'friends' get it, too. Of course, they probably gave it to her, but that's none of my business, Lord knows." Or you could just end it at "quickly," period. Everyone will probably just assume the rest, anyway.

If we just gotta say something about someone to a trusted confidante, we should at least say something constructive afterward. Like, "Mildred's sick. Hope it clears up." Or "Frank's hitting the bottle again. Better that than the slots."

Just in case, we should stop using "bless his/her heart" outside of our most intimate circles so we can preserve this old-fashioned phrase.

Obviously, I'm mostly joking about all this, so I hope y'all are taking this with a big ol' grain of salt, if not a small-sized box of Morton. And I especially mean no offense to my non-native-Southerners, many of whom I call friends -- even behind their backs, bless their hearts.

Peace, love and let's all be sure to pray for Mildred ... XOXO


Reader Comments 1 Total
mbashaw (4 months ago)
"Verbal band-aid"... Ha! Love it!
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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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