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Dark and stormy nights
Published: 8/18/2008 1:17 PM
Last Modified: 8/18/2008 1:17 PM

The winners in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest were announced this weekend.

This cheerfully demented contest to come up with the absolute worst opening sentence of an imaginary novel has been around since 1982, sponsored by the Dept. of English & Comparative Literature at San Jose State University in California.

It's named for the Victorian novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton, who began a novel named "Paul Clifford" with the words, "It was a dark and stormy night" -- a phrase opted by Snoopy in the "Peanuts" comics when said beagle decided it was time to become a writer.

Over the years, the contest has produced some classic examples of horrible puns and surreal non sequiturs.

My personal favorites have always been two of the earliest winners:

"The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails--not for the first time since the journey began--pondered snidely if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent with Basil." (Gail Cain, San Francisco, California, 1983 Winner)

"The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through your last meal.'" (Steven Garman, Pensacola, Florida, 1984 Winner)

To see what won -- and what came close to winner, check out:

Read the story: Bulwer-Lytton winners

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ARTS

James D. Watts Jr. has lived in Oklahoma for most his life, even though he still has people saying to him, "Don't sound like you're from around these parts." A University of Oklahoma Phi Beta Kappa graduate, Watts has received the Governor Arts Award, Harwelden Award and the National Conference of Christians and Jews Beth Macklin Award for his writing. Before coming to the Tulsa World, Watts worked for the Tulsa Tribune.

Contact him at (918) 581-8478.

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Past Articles By James D. Watts Jr

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2/14/2013		Symphony to host piano soloist
2/14/2013		Broadway tours bring 'Shrek,' improv musical to Tulsa area this weekend
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2/14/2013		'Lion King' returns to Tulsa PAC June 4
2/12/2013		Review: Signature Symphony reprises '100 Years of Oklahoma Music'
2/11/2013		Tulsa Symphony's concert salutes diverse American music
2/10/2013		Cherokee artist weaves messages into baskets
2/10/2013		Tesla Quartet set for Tulsa residency next week with variety of activities
2/10/2013		Jim Murphy wins 2013 Anne Zarrow Award
2/10/2013		LBJ chronicler Robert Caro to speak at TU on Tuesday
2/9/2013		Theater review: Playhouse makes "Barefoot in the Park" believable

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