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FINALLY, I've been solicited!
Published: 2/20/2012 7:30 AM
Last Modified: 2/17/2012 6:10 PM


It's not vandalism unless it's a real sign, right?

After rambling recently about giving advice of a "non-life-changing flavor," I actually received a solicitation (sorry, I love that word) for advice! I know, poor misguided soul ...

Now, I want to reiterate that this is totally experimental, as I honestly don't expect to be inundated -- or even lightly sprinkled -- with solicitations for advice. In which case, I'll go back to talking about how often my coat rack scares me every time I walk into my house at night.

So here goes ...

"I am in constant competition with my boyfriend's best friend, who is a woman. For the past 3 years, they have had a strange relationship, which consisted of him and his children spending nearly every waking moment with her, her husband and child. If there's a party, she is his co-host. They finish each other's sentences and share private jokes/stories in front of me. She disciplines his children. She plays mom and girlfriend at most (read: all) events. At his daughter's party, she made and served the dessert and sat right next to her to collect the torn paper and tissue. I haven't known my place. I talked to him about it, and he excommunicated her. Now, she's mad at me and turning his entire posse against me. I'm no Yoko Ono, so I broke up with him last night when all of this came to a head."

Since her email, she said they're kinda working things out, but here's what I told her (in italics) -- first, the long, boring, probably pointless answer:

Let's get back to this "excommunicated" thing. Before I got to that part of your email, I kept waffling back and forth between (1) Mr. Boyfriend and Ms. Best Friend have some co-dependency issues and (2) Mr. Boyfriend and Ms. Best Friend are doing what best friends do. (Still, it sounds a little too "Will & Grace" for my comfort.)

All this said, I can see why you felt left out. But totally cutting her out? That was a little dooshy on his part, don't you think? Obviously, their friends would turn on you a little, which is totally unfair to you.

So taking Ms. Best Friend, and even the kids, out of the equation, were you happy in the relationship to begin with? Is it something worth pursuing? Now, put the kids back into that equation: still worth it to you? (Remember, I don't do kid advice, so you're on your own there.)

But if you see yourself patching things up with the guy, or even if y'all remain good friends, I'd still consider -- at some point after things simmer down a smidge -- talking to this other woman. If you stay calm and she's all snippy, then you can dismiss her as a psycho. And if she holds a lot of sway in your boyfriend's daily decisions, then the right move was definitely to break things off.

And this was my shorter, to-the-point answer:

You probably made the best decision as you didn't sound all that happy to begin with. And if the guy will excommunicate his own best friend so handily, who's to say he won't do that to you eventually?

I sent the lovely young woman who sent this to me my answer before sharing it with y'all, and she told me it was helpful. Maybe she's just being nice, who knows.

What do you think? Was this THE worst advice EVER? If so, PLEASE put your two cents in below.

Peace, love and solicitations ... XOXO


Reader Comments 5 Total
annalee (12 months ago)
You are so right; if he "dumps" the "best friend", what would he eventually do to the girlfriend???

Keep that advice coming!
ClanJoyWalkSig (12 months ago)
LOL I'm still cracking up over the word, dooshy! I kind of like seeing the process, Jason... your initial response AND your edited version. That could be your personal twist on the advice column thing!
futureview (12 months ago)
I just wonder why the "best friend's" husband hasn't had some issues with such closeness...sounds like a whole lot of baggage...I think your advice was spot on!

Double D
DaniOklahoma (12 months ago)
Great answer! You should def keep up the "Dear Jason" bit.
seesay (12 months ago)
Yes - entertaining adjective form of ****** and like how you worked in the Yoko Ono reference. (still hated after all these years) OMG - TW censored the D word.
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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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