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I may be fat now, but I was a size 6 in fourth grade
Published: 4/22/2012 8:00 AM
Last Modified: 4/20/2012 7:02 PM


Wade Rouse lives in these magical woods in the Ozarks ... Not really. But he does live with his partner of 16 years in Michigan, which seems kinda magical to me.


Judging by this shot and others I found online, Helen Keller did NOT wear terrycloth. Can't blame her.

I had the pleasure of interviewing humorist Wade Rouse last week. It was done by phone, and he didn't seem scared by the end of the conversation, which I consider a success.

Author of what is now my all-time favorite memoir, "It's All Relative," Rouse is my hero -- Southern-bred, different from all the other boys in his class and, most importantly, a wearer of Husky jeans like I was.

Now, he's all grown-up, a stellar writer, famous for it and, most importantly, thin -- nothing I've yet to accomplish.

But he and I do have something in common, surprisingly: horror stories from school.

For those who've yet to read "It's All Relative" or his debut memoir, "America's Boy," Rouse grew up gay in Missouri, not at all like the "cowboy wannabes" in his class. Having grown up gay in south Mississippi, I can totally relate.

So when he told me the story about singing "Delta Dawn" at a middle school talent show and being heckled off stage, it made me think of a slightly similar incident my fourth grade year at St. John's Day School in Laurel, Miss.

I almost told him the story but remembered our particular conversation wasn't about me but him. I should probably put quotation marks around that last sentence because that's pretty much what I told Rouse on the phone.

But back to me. Forgive me if I've told y'all this before, but I was in Mrs. Meadows' fourth grade class, and she had assigned everyone to read a biography of a famous person, then deliver a book report in front of the class.

Being a lazy student, I picked a book about Helen Keller out of my big brother's bookcase and waited 'til the last week to read it.

A few days prior to book report day, Mrs. Meadows reminded the class of something I'd apparently forgotten: We had to come to school that Friday dressed like our famous person.

Well, color me screwed. I was already a target for bullies because I was fat and effeminate. Now, I'll have to come to school dressed like a woman.

My mother, in her infinite patience, led me to her closet (ha) and looked for something that might fit me. She's a 4 or a 6, has been since she was a cheerleader in high school, so it would be a challenge to find something that wasn't too small. Mom's only 5-foot-4, and I wasn't too many inches shorter than she was when I was 9.

We settled on a cream-colored, size-6 (!) terrycloth dress she bought in the '70s. My feet were much bigger, so that blissfully ruled out pumps -- although a strappy sandal would've been more flattering with the outfit than my light blue Velcro-strapped sneakers.

The next day, before it was my turn to deliver my report, I went to the boy's restroom to change into my dress, nigh to tears that this would be what killed me.

But unless I've repressed what really happened (I have a talent for this, remind me to tell you about it some time), the book report went well. Yeah, my teacher giggled a bit at the sight of me in a dress, as did my classmates; but everyone was relatively cool-ish. I mean, no one said anything to my face. I made an A and didn't get beat up for it, and that's all that mattered.

Since then, I've not been a fan of terrycloth -- too hot, makes me itch. But I am a big fan of someone who'll put a humorous spin on his or her painful childhood experiences and share them with the world. That's why I love me some Wade Rouse.

Not familiar with him? Check out his web site
here.

Peace, love and sizes 6 to 6X ... XOXO


Reader Comments 3 Total
Dee-Bo (10 months ago)
I was worried for a second there. I thought this story was going to be about Wade Rouse.
ClanJoyWalkSig (10 months ago)
I'm a big fan of someone who finds their way to happiness, too, Jason. Big fan...
annalee (10 months ago)
I have read all of Wade's books and loved 'em all! Thrilled that he's coming to Tulsa! Loved the Helen Keller piece too...would love to read Jason's Mississippi Memoirs!
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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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