Scene - Blogs - If only I could walk out

If only I could walk out
Published: 8/14/2009 4:15 PM
Last Modified: 8/14/2009 4:15 PM

You, the public, are allowed to walk out on films. I get paid to not leave before the credits roll.
Only a few movies have tested my patience as well as my squirming backside. The latest to do so was "The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard," which I saw on Friday.
A full review runs on Saturday, but I can give you a preview of my rating: nada, nothing, zero stars for the first time in my three years of reviewing films for the Tulsa World.
I figure that in that time, I've seen about 600 movies.
This Jeremy Piven-starring comedy about used-car salesmen is dreadfully unfunny. I lost count of the number of times I said to myself: This is awful.
It is less a movie than it is a string of sex jokes with no coherent plot to carry them. I chuckled one time, when a large man inside a Jupiter Jump threw some kids around. It looked goofy.
Dennis King, our longtime film critic for about 20 years until his retirement in September 2006, once told me that he could not recall giving out zero stars in rating a film. There was always something, be it in the sound work, the photography, something artistically of value that he could credit, he said.
As the credits rolled, I tried to think of something of value in the film, anything that I could hang half a star on. I could not.
I had looked forward to seeing a raunchy comedy starring Piven, Ving Rhames, David Koechner, Ed Helms and a few others in that Will Ferrell-produced group of actors who co-star or make cameos in one film after another with each other.
But "The Goods" was unfunny, offensive without purpose, a dull din of noise. It was the most benign movie I've seen in years.
Cinematically, for me, it was a zero.

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I See Movies for Free

“I was born a poor, black child” … not me, actually, but Steve Martin’s character in the “The Jerk.” That absurd opening line is just one of the absurd number of film facts, quotes and minutiae contained in movie critic Michael Smith’s brain, at his disposal to toss out on a moment’s notice. It’s a key requirement as Tulsa World film critic to know these things. Michael learned a few other life facts along the way (seven years as a Crystal’s Pizza & Spaghetti manager) before attempting journalism and joining the Tulsa World in 1996, where he’s covered everything from a school shooting in Fort Gibson to a tornado in Stroud to witnessing an execution. A little community theater coverage was sprinkled in there, too. Movies engender many of his happiest memories, from standing in line for “Star Wars” and “Grease” at the Southroads Cinema to the James Bond and Pink Panther movies that always premiered at the enormous Continental Theater.

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Archive

Past Articles By Michael Smith

2/16/2013		Broken Arrow movie theater moves to discount showings
2/15/2013		Review: 'Amour'
2/15/2013		Review: 'A Good Day to Die Hard'
2/15/2013		Review: 'Beautiful Creatures'
2/14/2013		Review: 'Quartet'
2/14/2013		Shirley MacLaine to speak at Osage Casino
2/14/2013		Weekly rewind: February 14
2/14/2013		REVIEW: 'Beautiful Creatures'
2/12/2013		Belgian best picture hopeful 'Amour' opens in Tulsa on Friday
2/10/2013		'Die Hard' marathon at AMC Southroads on Wednesday ends with new film
2/9/2013		Review: 'Identity Thief' a stupid movie from stupid idea
2/8/2013		Oscar audit: Critics choices for best picture hold up over time

Michael Smith's Blog Archive:

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