Scene - Blogs - LAGNIAPPE Sorry for flashing my midriff like Britney Spears circa 2004

LAGNIAPPE: Sorry for flashing my midriff like Britney Spears, circa 2004
Published: 7/13/2012 9:00 AM
Last Modified: 7/12/2012 6:34 PM

See, what I needed Wednesday with my accidentally low-slung drawstring pants was (1) abs like Britney or (2) ... Actually, (1) is safest in this instance.

lagniappe (pronounced "LAN-yap" -- or "lan-YAP," whatever): noun
1. In southern Louisiana and Mississippi, a little somethin' somethin' extra, traditionally like a gift given with purchase -- a sweet gesture, bonus.
2. In Oklahoma, at least in Jason Ashleyville, it's another word for random -- typically, a collection of such ramblings, often without much point or segue.

I share this in case y'all wonder again what "that L word" is, as I'll be posting the occasional LAGNIAPPE on my blog -- like today's topic, which is actually more of an apology.

First, let's start at Old Navy. Banshee's husband, Mr. Clean, lucked upon some awesome linen drawstring pants on sale and bought two for me. Love 'em, they're comfortable, go with anything, blah, blah, blah.

Even though I washed the suckers in cold water, dried them on low heat and finished drying by hanging them on racks under a ceiling fan, they STILL shrank a smidge. Either that, or I've grown an inch or two taller, which is highly unlikely.

Whatever, still love 'em -- or, at least, I did until Wednesday. All day, I fidgeted with the drawstring, which I tied tightly right below my waist. Everything was covered, I assume, because I felt the tourniquet-like cinch of the drawstrings.

Well, turns out, upon inspection in a mirror at day's end, that I was walking around for Lord know's how long with at least one inch -- minimum -- of my stomach poking out between the drawstring waist and a blue polo shirt, which I've since tossed in the trash for being too freakin' short.

Obviously, if I was thinner, this wouldn't be a problem. But I loathe the thought of having traipsed around the office, grocery store and gas station looking like some gay version of Cleatus -- Cleatus being some belly-hangin' hillbilly who goes around flashing his stomach. And only his stomach, thank you. I assume we all have the same definition of Cleatus, right? Does the name Tweedle Cleatus prompt a sharper, albeit more disturbing image? Sorry, I'm drawing a blank at coming up with popular characters who bare their midriffs. Other than Britney Spears, circa 2004.

Anyway, I apologize to anyone with the misfortune of having seen me Wednesday, especially at lunch. Next time, I'll wear a caftan with my pants or, as would probably be more fitting, a trench coat.

Peace, love and drawstrings ... XOXO

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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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Past Articles By Jason Ashley Wright

2/14/2013		Knowledge is key in Alzheimer's care
2/14/2013		Living Wright: On a roll again
2/13/2013		Recipes: Canebrake chef shares truffle secrets
2/12/2013		Living Wright: Mardi Gras a passport to excess
2/10/2013		Valentine's contest winners: Elizabeth and Rick Franklin
2/8/2013		Tulsa area yet to be represented as 'American Idol' moves to Hollywood round
2/7/2013		Fundraiser, camp benefit kids with heart problems
2/7/2013		Living Wright: Tulsa Flea market trip yields hidden treasures
2/7/2013		Mardi Gras popularity grows as celebrations expand in Tulsa
2/5/2013		Jason Ashley Wright: Another suicide shocks, for now
2/4/2013		Eagle Scouts
2/2/2013		Street Cats to hold its annual fundraiser Feb. 10

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