Scene - Blogs - Mine and Tyra Banks canteen convo

Mine and Tyra Banks' canteen convo
Published: 3/4/2010 4:36 PM
Last Modified: 3/4/2010 4:36 PM

Oh, no, she DIDN'T!!!

I was a TV junkie in high school, and one of my favorite comedies to watch was "Seinfeld."

Assuming you watched it, remember the episode with "Dolores"? You know, when Jerry's trying to remember his new girl's name, and she tells him as she's walking out the door in a huff that it rhymes with a body part, and he calls out, "Dolores?" Coming back to you? I didn't get it until the next day at school when my cousin told me "Dolores" rhymed with a certain FEMALE body part. Oh. I was much more naive back then.

Anyway, fast forward YEARS later to, like, five minutes ago while I'm in the newsroom canteen cutting up a nectarine (thanks, Shadey). The "Tyra Show" is on, and she's interviewing a woman who apparently -- from what I've mostly presumed in the 90 seconds I was in there, not really paying attention because I had a knife, and I didn't want to accidentally slice a finger off -- is a hermophrodite. Is that the PC term? Wait, "intersexual" was the word they were using.

Whatever, she's talking about her anatomy, and I'm thinking, "This is SOOO gonna be on 'The Soup' later." Then Tyra asks her about her Dolores. Twice. And then it's said multiple times -- followed soon by words like "penis" and "penetrate." I had to turn around with raised eyebrows and say, "Tyra, really? Penetrate?" Whereupon she stopped the show, reached through the screen and slapped me, saying, "Yeah, REALLY!"

OK, that last bit may not have happened. But after all the Dolores-penis-penetration convo, Tyra asked, "When you ... Well, can I say 'orgasm'?"

"Seriously?" (This is me talking to Tyra with a knife in one hand and a nectarine in the other.) "You're going to say clitoris, penis and penetrate multiple times in the course of 60 seconds, and THEN ask if you can say orgasm on air?" She never answered, so I took my nectarine and left.

Speaking of food, here's how WEDNESDAY'S VITTLE INTAKE went down:
BREAKFAST (after yoga AND five miles on the Gymboree treadmill): Scrambled egg whites with spinach, and two pieces of whole wheat bread with reduced-fat provolone.
SNACK: I don't think I had one.
LUNCH: A delicious spinach salad with strawberries, almond slivers, grilled chicken and feta cheese from the Atlas Grill. In lieu of the yummy poppyseed vinaigrette, I had their fabulous tomatillo salsa -- a healthy option, thanks.
SNACK: 1/4 cup almonds
DINNER: Grilled salmon, and rice with broccoli and cauliflower.

By the way, I only had oatmeal this morning as I didn't work out. Unfortunately, I'm out of blueberries and thought, "Hmm, I'll use an orange instead." I don't recommend it, just sayin'.

Happy Friday Eve! Have a swell evening in a non-bloated kinda way.

Peace, love and nectarines ... XOXO

Reader Comments

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janeh (3 years ago)

Jason Ashley Wright, everything you write rocks. :-)

Tulsa World Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright (3 years ago)

Thank you, Janeh! You are so sweet! Happy Friday ... xo

JulesSingz (3 years ago)

I'm always amazed at the content of some of these talk shows... not to mention the language on the last South Park episode that said EVERY four-letter word under the sun PRE 9pm!!!! Of course, I'm not one to be easily offended, but it did make me gasp & clutch the pearls a few times!! Have a GREAT day, sweetie... love you more than Doloris & Peter! xoxo

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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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2/14/2013		Knowledge is key in Alzheimer's care
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2/5/2013		Jason Ashley Wright: Another suicide shocks, for now
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