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My Top 5 MILFs
Published: 11/14/2011 7:00 AM
Last Modified: 11/11/2011 8:19 PM


Someone convinced me I should dress like Boy George when I emceed the Tulsa Press Club's '80s fashion show back in 2004. We haven't had another once since. Coincidence? I think not.

You know that filter people have that gives them pause before they say something inappropriate or flat-out stupid? Yeah, I don't have that.

This is especially true when I'm asked to emcee things or say a little somethin' somethin' at events. I used to call it "limelight-induced Tourette's" until a friend with Tourette's told me that was rude, so I've tried to start using "limelight-induced lack of filtration," or simply LILFs.

These LILFs inevitably lead to MILFs, i.e. "moments I'd like to forget."

I was asked to speak at two different events in as many weeks so far this month. Love, love, LOVE the people involved, as well as the causes they represent. And I was sincerely flattered they would even ask me. But I hope they think twice before giving me a mic again, as I do everything from sweat profusely to say the wrong thing -- WHILE I'M HOLDING CUE CARDS, no less.

So here are my Top 5 MILFs that should give any nonprofit or civic organization pause before asking me to participate in something public again:

5. During the annual DIVAS concert, a local singer who will go unnamed (unless you were there and know it was John Sawyer) playfully called me out for using pink eye as an excuse to get out of a dinner I was supposed to attend. So before his next song, I rubbed the head of the microphone around my eye. Keep in mind, there was an audience. Yeah, I'm classy with a capital K.

4. The year before I emceed DIVAS (and the year they initiated a "no wine on stage" policy), I was asked to thank certain people and organizations who made the night possible. I may have tagged on an extra special thanks to the makers of Xanax.

3. One of only two disastrous times I've chaired something, I was thanking the Doubletree Hotel for sponsoring something or doing something nice or whatever, and I accidentally said "... and thanks to the Doubletree cookies for -- I mean, Doubletree Hotel! Sorry! Hotel! HOTEL!!!" Coincidentally, that organization no longer exists now.

2. For yet another DIVAS event -- specifically, the last one I was ever asked to emcee -- I apparently didn't care for an audience member's "No!" reaction when I said the silent auction had closed. And I doubt she cared much for my, "No? Who told me no? Don't make me come out there, this ain't 'Donahue!'" The makers of Xanax were NOT thanked that year.

1. Ironically enough, I was asked to be in the "Gentlemen of Dinstinction" fashion show at Southern Hills, during which time I sashayed down the runway, took off my coat, swung it over my head a few times, then walked back -- but not before stooping down to let a lovely woman stuff a dollar into the waistline of my jeans. You are correct to assume I have NOT been asked back.

There are more embarrassing things I could share, but this is a work blog, and I'd rather not be retro-reprimanded.

Peace, love and MILFs ... XOXO


Reader Comments 5 Total
Fred (last year)
Too funny! Thanks, Jason.
208675 (last year)
I was there with my mom and Roy for number 5. It was funny, don't worry so much!
DowntownDan (last year)
MILF already has a meaning. This isn't it. I would choose a new moniker. My jaw dropped when I saw this headline. Glad to see it wasn't what I thought.
Elusive (last year)
You can tell us Jason we won't tell anyone wink!
futureview (last year)
Hey Jason...I remember that party! I think it was Banshee who convinced you because she convinced me to dress as a disco diva! Good times, good times...love ya...Double D
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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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