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My connection to Bea Arthur + can you help me ID my houseplants?
Published: 4/25/2012 8:00 AM
Last Modified: 4/24/2012 6:20 PM


This is Robert Plant, who lives in my kitchen. Can you tell me what he is?


And this is Mr. Ficus. But is he really a ficus at all? Help!

I love the late-great Bea Arthur.

The less young I become, the more I think she was the funniest person on "The Golden Girls." Adore Betty White like a 90 percent off bath towel sale at Penney's, and Estelle Getty made me roll, but Bea was awesome. (Yes, I know Rue McClanahan was from Tulsa, and I should say she was the funniest; but she called me "simple" in an interview a few years ago, so whatever. God rest her.)

Anyway, when I was a kid, back in those fleeting days when she did a show called "Amanda's" (remember that?), I thought she was a man. I'm not sure why, but I did -- right up 'til the middle of the first season of "The Golden Girls."

Maybe it was her voice that threw me, which I can totally relate to considering how some people who've called me time to time for YEARS at work still call me "ma'am" or "Miss Ashley" on the phone. I've even had it happen to my face, so Bea and I have a special connection. Thoroughly contrived, but whatever.

Speaking of contrived, that whole story was supposed to lead more smoothly into my not knowing the sex or scientific classification or what have you of my houseplants. It made so much more sense a few seconds ago before I went to the vending machine and bought a Diet Coke.

But here it is: I'm not sure of the genus of Mr. Ficus or Robert Plant. I do know from a few minutes of research that they are firmly rooted in the Kingdom Plantae, which includes more than 300,000 species of plants. I'd just like to narrow that figure down a smidge more.

I'm not sure Mr. Ficus is a ficus at all. He didn't come with a label, but he looked like a miniature version of my mom's 30-something-year-old ficus.

And I have absolutely NO clue what Robert Plant is, but at least his name is safe enough. Assuming, of course, plants are asexual. Aren't they?

I've posted photos of both Mr. Ficus and Robert Plant. If you can help me determine what they are, in case I need to rename them, PLEASE let me know. Thank you.

Peace, love and Plantae ... XOXO


Reader Comments 6 Total
220668 (10 months ago)
Mr. Ficus looks more like poison ivy to me.
dohara65 (10 months ago)
Hi Jason. Being a homicidal-horticulturist-in-denial, (plants come to my house to die) I'm not sure how much help I can be, but for what it is worth, I believe Robert is a type of coleus and grows mostly in flower shops and given as gifts by people who forget your birthday. Mr Ficus? Looks a weed. Seriously. I thought a ficus plant had thicker leaves, but I could be wrong. (search ficus benjamina)

I would suggest google has this really cool image search function where you can upload your photo into the image search bar by clicking the camera. That will bring up other similar photos.

LisaM (10 months ago)
Jason,
Robert is a Pothos (Epipremnum aureum), so no renaming necessary, "Robert Pothos Plant" works! There are several sights that have good information. I have a bunch in my office and at home. They are easy-peasy to take care of, and grow like crazy. I don't know about poor Mr F. You might take a bit of him to a greenhouse or the Oklahoma Centennial Botanical Garden to identify.
                    
LisaM (10 months ago)
oops..."sites"
LisaM (10 months ago)
That is - There are several websites with god care and keeping information.
LisaM (10 months ago)
rats. GOOD care.. I give up!
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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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