This is Robert Plant, who lives in my kitchen. Can you tell me what he is?
And this is Mr. Ficus. But is he really a ficus at all? Help!
I
love the late-great Bea Arthur.
The less young I become, the more I think she was the funniest person on "The Golden Girls." Adore Betty White like a 90 percent off bath towel sale at Penney's, and Estelle Getty made me roll, but Bea was awesome. (Yes, I know Rue McClanahan was from Tulsa, and I should say
she was the funniest; but she called me "simple" in an interview a few years ago, so whatever. God rest her.)
Anyway, when I was a kid, back in those fleeting days when she did a show called "Amanda's" (remember that?), I thought she was a man. I'm not sure why, but I did -- right up 'til the middle of the first season of "The Golden Girls."
Maybe it was her voice that threw me, which I can totally relate to considering how some people who've called me time to time for YEARS at work still call me "ma'am" or "Miss Ashley" on the phone. I've even had it happen to my face, so Bea and I have a special connection. Thoroughly contrived, but whatever.
Speaking of contrived, that whole story was supposed to lead more smoothly into my not knowing the sex or scientific classification or what have you of my houseplants. It made so much more sense a few seconds ago before I went to the vending machine and bought a Diet Coke.
But here it is: I'm not sure of the genus of Mr. Ficus or Robert Plant. I do know from a few minutes of research that they are firmly rooted in the Kingdom Plantae, which includes more than 300,000 species of plants. I'd just like to narrow that figure down a smidge more.
I'm not sure Mr. Ficus is a ficus at all. He didn't come with a label, but he looked like a miniature version of my mom's 30-something-year-old ficus.
And I have absolutely NO clue what Robert Plant is, but at least his name is safe enough. Assuming, of course, plants are asexual. Aren't they?
I've posted photos of both Mr. Ficus and Robert Plant. If you can help me determine what they are, in case I need to rename them, PLEASE let me know. Thank you.
Peace, love and Plantae ... XOXO
