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No velvet after Valentine's, no Velveeta after dusk. Or ever, perhaps ...
Published: 2/22/2010 2:30 PM
Last Modified: 2/22/2010 2:30 PM


How could something so cheerfully colored be so evil?

Velveeta is evil.

Actually, that's kinda like blaming the seafood buffet for making you fat. Anyhoo, went to Lord V's last night after working a little bit. Nothing unusual there. And little out of the ordinary where my behaving somewhat badly is concerned in the vittle-intake department.

In my defense, before I divulge the sick details, I ran 6.5 miles Sunday afternoon at Gymboree, then came home and had oatmeal with blueberries and scrambled egg whites with portobello mushrooms, spinach and feta. It was going to be my BIG meal of the day, followed by an apple at work, then some black beans I was going to take to Lord V's. Which I did, thanks.

However, I arrive at his house, and he's making brownies. That's fine, I won't have any (i.e., I'll eat a small one). The recipe seems OK, but the batter turns out too thick -- so he adds more vegetable oil. And vegetable oil wasn't even called for. Still, we both take turns mixing it, he smears the bottom of a pan with the glop and flings it in the oven for about 20 or 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, he asks me to make Rotel cheese dip with the block of Velveeta that's been lurking in his fridge for a few weeks. Ugh ... Hateful processed cheese. But having waited too long to eat (that's today's lesson, kids), I happily cut the entire block of Velveeta into cubes, dump the Rotel in, then stick it in the microwave.

We didn't have tortilla chips, though, so we -- this is so sad -- used saltines. He had a sleeve of them, and I had one. Actually, I ate most of one already while watching the brownie-battering, THEN had half of another with the cheese dip, which I later added to an otherwise healthy bowl of black beans.

After that, of course, I tore off a piece of brownie, of which the batch was ... Well, odd. You could stick a fork in it, and the entire brownie came out of the pan like a thin, chocolate-covered brick. It tasted chocolatey (after 1 cup of cocoa vs. the 1/2 cup it called for, go figure), but the consistency left much to be desired. So Lord V and I thought it would soften up better with ice cream on top of it. Not so much, but I ate a bowl nonetheless.

THAT was the worst of my grazin' in the past seven days, although I did splurge on Thursday night for E's birthday -- again, over at Lord V's. Had these lovely salmon croquettes, fried white and sweet potatoes, carrots and buttery French bread. And German chocolate cake. With ice cream. OK, maybe Thursday and Sunday nights kinda tied.

To add to that, I only worked out every other day vs. EVERY day, as I had been doing the previous two weeks. Still, very much to my surprise, I weighed 194 on the Saint scales (which equals 200 at the work scales).

So the good news is that I didn't lose or gain -- stayed the same, despite the gluttony and decreased exercise. The bad news, though, is that I need to get a firmer grip on my eating habits, or I'll never be able to take my shirt off this summer at the lake without fear of a rogue Japanese whaling vessel harpooning me.

Monday's going well so far, thankfully. Didn't go to the gym because I'm a lazy whore; but I had oatmeal with blueberries for lunch, followed later by a banana, and I just had some baby carrots and a turkey sandwich with reduced-fat Provolone, spinach, light mayo and spicy mustard on whole wheat. Snack later? An apple and/or 1/4 cup almonds. Here's hoping dinner won't involve cheese.

Peace, love and yellow processed food stuff ... XOXO


Reader Comments 1 Total
tallgirle (3 years ago)
I'm sorry, I think I left that over there...
1 comments displayed


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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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