Scene - Blogs - Reader feedback Mind your manners

Reader feedback: Mind your manners!
Published: 2/27/2008 5:01 PM
Last Modified: 2/27/2008 5:01 PM

A number of readers emailed me about Tuesday's column on whether or not guys should be standing up for ladies when they come and go from the table. Here are some of my favorites -- anonymous, of course.

Words from the ladies:

"Women do appreciate the man's standing when the woman approaches his table. Chivalry may be old-fashioned, but most women appreciate it. Women need to take their turns opening doors for women and men, too."

"I don't remember the last time a man stood up when I walked up to a table. How charming that would be."

"I am 29 and have only once had a man half-stand at the table ... and ... it did make me feel nice ... even kind of special. I honestly never even knew men did that until back a few years ago ... If I now were to go on a date, and a guy did that, it would definitely bring him up a notch in my book. However, honestly, if he didn't do it, it wouldn't make a difference to me. ... However, I would always expect a man to open a door for me. That chivalry has not died -- yet." Amen, Girlfriend! (Note to other women: It should be a big ol' red flag if a guy doesn't open doors for you on the first date. Make a mental note.)

"I think you should stand. It seems to me that manners are becoming a thing of the past with most folks. To see someone use them is quite refreshing, and reassuring that chivalry and manners have not been lost."

And here's what the gentlemen had to say:

"I think your decision to sit and your comments on holding a door indicate the changes in society that are happening today. (I stand for my wife and all of our female friends when they rejoin our table). I see a people today that will go in a door and let it close on the people behind them, talk on a phone when doing business in a bank or other places, cut people off in traffic, can't spell because of text messaging and the spell checker, and are teaching these same values to their children. I hope you change your mind and stand for the ladies."

"Stand when a woman comes to or leaves the table. Open the door for all women. If they don't say thank you, they weren't raised right, and there's nothing you can do to undo. If the table thing makes you feel uncomfortable, conceal a small container of soup on your person, and, if someone stares at you as you rise, spill the soup on your lap and slap furiously at it. Everyone understands that, and you probably need some new pants anyway."

Thank y'all for your comments -- and the excellent reminder that chivalry is by no means dead. So hold those doors open, guys, and stand up for the ladies. They may not expect it from you or any guy this day and time -- but that's what makes it all the more wonderful.

Peace, love and manners ... xoxo

Reader Comments

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a (5 years ago)

I think this tradition changing is a reflection of the changes in our society. Men stood because women were not equal creatures...they were put in boxes, defined by their relationships with men, etc. etc.
I, a middle aged woman (my god I've finally admitted it!!) open doors for anyone older than me, or anyone who has some sort of disability, or is holding a package, etc. I dont' expect men to open the door for me, but will always say thank you if they do.
I certainly don't expect men to get up from the table for me, unless I am being introduced and we are shaking hands. That requires it, because otherwise the wine will almost always spill!!!!
Really enjoying your columns, keep up the good work!

Missy (5 years ago)

I am happy to say that my husband is one of the most respectful, courteous men I know. He even opens my car door for me (that took a lot of getting used to). It does make a woman feel special to be treated with such respect. I think it's a two-way street though. Women should be respectful as well and remember to say thank you. Another great article Jas! Thank you.

Jason Ashley (5 years ago)

That's an excellent point about the wine, A! I've tipped a couple of glasses during introductions, but that's mostly because I'm clumsy. And good for Jeremy, Missy! He is a gentleman -- and you're truly deserving of the courtesy.

Have a great weekend, A and Missy!

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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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