The "guilt monster" never truly goes away, from the times we are setting bad examples with our eating habits and excessive TV watching, to leaving her at daycare on days we work. (Drawn by Althea Peterson)
This was me after returning home from work my first day back. Baby still wasn't sleeping through the night, and on top of that, I was just exhausted. There are many "just exhausted" days, whether your job is just being mom or being mom in the workforce. (Drawn by Althea Peterson)
Most colleagues do their best to not make eye contact and ignore me when I'm tucked away in the corner of the women's restroom lounge at work, breastpumping away. Why? No idea. I really don't care, but I guess they do.
However, the young daugher of a co-worker immediately turned around when she heard the pump's motor working.
Girl: "What are you doing?"
I am attempting to work full-time while still being a mom. After two months of maternity leave, I showered up, put on clean clothes and went back to work.
As this young girl discovered, I cannot completely separate the two. Three times a day, I sneak off to a dark lounge (It has a lightswitch somewhere), slip a cover over myself and 10 minutes later, unless I spill it everywhere, food for baby.
"This is a pump," I explain as vaguely as possible behind my cover. "It provides milk for my baby."
Girl: "Where is your baby?"
For the 9 hours at the office and a little bit of time before and after (depending on how under construction Tulsa streets are), my four-month-old daughter attends daycare. I'll save the full topic for another day, but in general:
Daycares are booked, especially for infants. You are pregnant for around nine months. Use that time to find child care if you plan to return to work!Daycares, at least the ones I found in the Tulsa area, generally do not take infants until they are at least 6 weeks old. Some will not take them until they are 8 weeks, or even 3 months. Plan to take some maternity leave for this and many other reasons.Daycare is more expensive for infants than older children. The baby-to-caregiver ratio is much lower than for older kids. The one I attend can have no more than four babies per caregiver.Know daycare hours of operation and expect them to not bend the rules. If the care place closes at 6 p.m., expect late fees if you show up at 6:15 p.m. If the care place opens at 8 a.m., don't try to drop your child off at 7:45 a.m.Sick child policies are common, meaning that if your child shows signs of being ill, you are going to need to keep your kid home the next day."She's at childcare, which is like a school for babies," I explain. "She doesn't get a summer vacation like you!"
She liked this answer, so I thought that was it. Wait, she has another question...
Girl: "How does she get the milk?"
My baby stays fed, stays supervised and stays happy through a very delicate balance of a full day's work in the office here, with periodic pump breaks, and a very strict schedule.
I need to arrive at work on time, if not early. I need to pump every three hours, not much sooner or later. I need to leave work on time to be at the child care center on time, and then I need to resume our at-home schedule.
Somehow, some way, everything involving everyone needs to happen for the working-mom thing to happen.
"I put them into bottles and then feed them to her later," I tell the girl.
And right about then, 10 minutes of pumping are up, so it's time to return to work again.
--Althea Peterson
PS: My baby turns 5 months old tomorrow! Next week Monday, please join me again as I reflect back on my only hospital stay that I've ever experienced in my life.
Trimesterly tribute: The free samples of everything that they give expecting mothers also included the all-important pre-natal daily vitamins. "Cool," I thought. I can taste test them to see which ones I li... BLEGH! They taste like rotten fish something-or-other! Fortunately, I found a giant generic bottle of gummy vitamins that tasted like sugar. I continue to take them today, as I'm still nursing.
Mommy moment: Somewhere around sleep-deprived awakeness and actual being asleep last week, my baby daughter slept between my legs on the bed. I patted her on the head, but I didn't think twice when it seemed like she had grown more hair. I moved slightly, hoping not to wake her, but she got up, walked away and jumped off the bed. It was then that I realized that the cat, once again, had fooled me into thinking he was the baby.
Baby bit: My baby loves her reflection. No longer hating belly time, she will stare at the big mirror, smiling at her reflection, hoping that it will smile back at her (it does). Something may catch her eye and she will look around everywhere, trying to find that "other" baby. When she finally does see it in the mirror again, she smiles. And it smiles back.
Althea's previous entries:
Aug. 6: Life as a single, working mother with a babyJuly 30: Dealing with a baby's first sick timeJuly 23: Delivering a baby by Cesarean sectionJuly 16: Introducing a new baby to your pet cat and dogsJuly 9: Breastfeeding a baby is a challenging decisionJuly 2: Baby airport travel requires patience and timeJune 28: Baby means there's never an awkward silence
Althea Peterson is the proud mother of a 4-month-old girl. Althea returned to work at the Tulsa World in May after two months of maternity leave. Baby advice, baby questions or baby words of encouragement can be sent to althea.peterson@tulsaworld.com. Also, follow Althea and other parents on Twitter at twitter.com/twbecauseisaid.
