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Static, sisters and scrambled eggs -- Week 4, Day 4
Published: 1/28/2010 2:01 PM
Last Modified: 1/28/2010 2:01 PM


God help the mister that comes between gym towels and a Sister.

I foresee an uptick in my sunglass purchases this year if I keep having to look on the bright side.

For example: Being single just sucks sometimes. But on the bright side, I don't have to buy anyone a Valentine's gift -- except myself. Here's a better one: I would've rather eaten the fried shrimp basket one of my lunch buddies was eating earlier. But my grilled salmon with whole grain rice and fresh red bell pepper will (hopefully) keep me on track to a healthier, svelte-ier moi. By year's end, I want people running up to me BEGGING to wash their clothes on my abs.

Anyway, another sunglass-worthy moment came courtesy of this morning's workout. On one hand, I was in my usual humiliation-prone form; on the other, though, it gave me something to blog about. Let's discuss ...

I'm usually one of three people in long pants at the gym each morning. No matter how cold it is, people are wearing shorts. Granted, many of these folks change in the locker room. I refuse to be in a state of public undress until I'm below 200, sorry. In my perpetual quest to fit in at the most innocuous locales, I thought, "Hmm, it's not sleeting yet, so I'll wear running shorts to the gym."

Everything was hunky-dory upon arrival. But as soon as I start warming up on the elliptical machine, I feel something ... OK, sorry for how I'm about to state this, but I've got other things to write, and I'm in a rush so ... I feel something in my shorts -- and then I hear it. It was THE worst case of static electricity I've ever experienced, like a little fabric-based thunderstorm. The shorts were ballooning up like a short bubble skirt. Fortunately, it was just a warm-up, so I ditched the machine after five minutes and started doing weights.

The rest of the time at the gym was static-free for whatever reason. Maybe sweat diffused it, who knows. So I did weights, 10 minutes on the StairMaster, then 35 on the elliptical, after which I take these sanitary wet wipe thingies to disinfect whatever bacteria I contaminated the machine with. My lovely friend Jill stopped me first, though, and we had a nice conversation about "August: Osage County" (GO if you haven't).

When I turned back around, a very sweet, white-haired lady had assumed the machine I was on. No biggie, I was totally finished -- just slightly embarrassed that I hadn't wiped it down. So I went over and said, "Sorry, let me get my towel and water out of your way," then did just that before resuming a convo with Jill.

A few minutes later, though, I realized I had swiped the other woman's towel, so I went back and apologized for that, too, placing it back on the machine. That's when the gentleman next to her, whom I had been assuming was a priest, said something along the lines of (I'm paraphrasing here, but whatever), "He worked out so hard, Sister, he got confused."

Sister? Sweet Jessica Alba, I stole a towel from a nun! There's a special level of purgatory for people like me, right? Or is that just for Catholics? Please forgive me, Sister Elliptical.

Abandoning segue, here's how my vittle-eatin' went Wednesday:

Breakfast: Scrambled egg whites with feta.
Morning snack: Banana
Lunch: Lentils and grilled chicken on spinach with feta and a dressing I made with 1 tablespoon olive oil and 1 1/2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice with cracked pepper. Oh, and a nectarine.
Snack: Orange.
Dinner: More scrambled egg whites with feta. I'm on an egg kick, what's up with that? Probably caused all this static electricity in my pants.

OK, gotta get some stuff written before the non-catastrophic ice event of 2010 hits.

Peace, love and sisters doin' it for themselves ... xoxo


Reader Comments 3 Total
Tom Droege (3 years ago)
Ha! If you think that's bad, how do you think it feels standing in a towel at your locker trying to remember your friggin lock combination!
At least you had the towel, Tom. I'll refrain here from relating a gym experience in 1999.
tallgirle (3 years ago)
you are so funny I laughed, I cried and I read every word....
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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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