Scene - Blogs - Things NOT to scream in front of human resources

Things NOT to scream in front of human resources
Published: 5/17/2011 4:06 PM
Last Modified: 5/17/2011 4:06 PM

My apologies to sensitive ears, but I just said, "Hooker!" in a mezzo-piano volume just moments ago. It seems two kernels from one of those dime-bag sized things of 100-calorie popcorn fell to the ground while tossing a fistful in my mouth. That was like one-30th of a point on Weight Watchers, so I was mildly upset.

I have an odd collection of ... Well, I'm trying to think of the most appropriate short version of "exclamatory phrase substitutes for cuss words."

As many of us know, doling out cuss words is NOT appropriate in many situations. However, many folks feel compelled to utter, shout or groan something after ramming their big toe into the corner of the bed while making it up, spilling Diet Coke on the only off-white diamond of your argyle sweater vest or, like me, pouting over popcorn gone rogue.

In lieu of the more offensive four-letter words, some folks say "darn" or "dagnabbit" or "dang." I occasionally say "dangit."

But I also say things like "hooker" and "mother of pearl." Not sure why. Another popular one is "Lawsy," which I tend to reserve for when someone tells me something surprising. For example:

Someone: "Paris Hilton is adopting."
Me: "A child?"
Someone: "Yes."
Me. "Lawsy!"

What are some of your mild, hopefully non-offensive exclamatory phrases? I feel like I need some new ones, just in case I drop popcorn again in earshot of someone who used to be a prostitute.

Peace, love and *$%@! ... XOXO

Reader Comments

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BeeGee (last year)

W. C. Fields used to employ the phrase "Godfrey Daniel!" on occasion. I like it, too.

Tulsa World Music Reporter Jen Chancellor (last year)

I say Cheez-Its instead of Jesus. I learned that one from a 4-year-old.

And, for some reason, saying the curse word version of poo in an English accent seems to make it more acceptable for use in public. Not sure why. (Sounds like "kite.")

clg1949 (last year)

I just LOVE "Mother of Pearl"!

donkeyball (last year)

Horse feathers! Bull butter!

Saphyr (last year)

I like to say Fudge Monkey instead of the mf word. It makes whoever with me laugh and then I laugh so it's a better time all around. :)

Heather '75 (last year)

OK, "Mother of Pearl" and "lawsy" are cracking me up. My workplace substitutes for cuss words aren't very creative - usually just "crap!" or a trailing off "SONovuh...!"

laz (last year)

i haven't evolved yet. i still use the real deal

Tulsa World Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright (last year)

laz, do NOT evolve! in the mean time, i'm totally stealing "fudge monkey" and "Cheez-Its."

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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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