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more dreams (sorry) // reggae // spanx // blonde snooki
Published: 1/18/2011 3:21 PM
Last Modified: 1/18/2011 3:21 PM


One of the great things about Spanx for Men is that I don't need assistance putting it on or taking it off.

I oughta start writing this stuff down on the notepad I keep on my nightstand. Until I actually start keeping one that handy, though, I'm afraid I'll have to blog my dreams, as I hope to glean something useful from them -- the meaning of life, some secret to weight loss, why "Jersey Shore" is so stinking popular, blah, blah, blah.

Now, if y'all (assuming more than just one of my friends is reading this) get bored with the dream stuff, skip to the part AFTER the series of asterisks below, 'K? K.

So I was in Branson with a mystery date -- "mystery" being operable on multiple levels, but whatever. Branson in my twisted dreamscape is NOTHING like the Branson I remember from my last visit nearly 10 years ago. It was basically one long, large room, which you could only traverse in a little car that ran on tracks -- a car that kept shrinking until I was chasing it along the tracks from one part of the room to the other. Then, I was suddenly in the backseat of someone's car -- some chick I don't know and her father, who closely resembled actor John Noble, who plays Walter Bishop on "Fringe." Anyway, we're speeding rapidly through a futuristic New York City toward a concert in this massive performing arts center complex towering over the city. When we enter, we're told our concert (no clue who it is) can be accessed on floors 1-6, as other concerts were occupying the remaining 100 floors. Interesting.

And then I woke up. I can explain the futuristic NYC thing because I had watched "Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations," the one where he's in Dubai. The other stuff? No clue. Any takers on explaining that one? I'm most interested in knowing who(m?) my mystery date was.

**********

I'm apparently ready for the beach again, based on how I've listened to nothing else today but reggae music. Even if that were financially feasible, I'm not about to put THIS body on a beach in any hemisphere. So that leaves me with Black Uhuru, a Jamaican reggae band I've never heard of before. Thanks, AOL Radio!

But back to me. Have I told you I bought a Spanx for Men compressed cotton V-neck top last month? I'm wearing it today, and it does NOT make me look like the cartoon hunk on the cover of the box. But in Spanx's defense, it didn't say it would make me look like a cartoon. It also slimmed up my love handles (i.e., re-purposed them elsewhere along my torso, like spreading a glob of peanut butter more evenly across a Ritz cracker. Or whatever you wanna spread it on. Toast, perhaps. Or, if you're like me, a tin of cookies your parents asked you a month ago to give to one of your best friends but -- oops -- haven't.)

All in all, I give Spanx two and a half out of four stars -- does the job it says it will do, but it makes me a little sweaty in places (pardon the potential visual).

**********

One of my dear co-workers and I were talking about the Golden Globes, and she told me something I hadn't realized -- that Christina Aguilera looked like a blonde Snooki from "Jersey Shore." I kinda see it now that she brought it up. Love me some Xtina, and -- much as it pains me to admit this -- love me some Snooki. Pardon the quick non sequitur, but why in the name of tanning hasn't the Snuggie company gobbled up Snooki for commercials? I think it'd go over well.

Anyhoo, has anyone ever noticed the similarities between the pop princess and reality TV star? Hmm ...

OK, that's all I got. I turn in my food diary to Mistress Ashley tomorrow, and I'm semi-proud of yesterday's and today's (so far) food intake. We'll see what she says.

Peace, love and Snooki Snuggies (see how catchy it is?) ... XOXO


Reader Comments 1 Total
Garfinckel (2 years ago)
I give Spanx for Men 4 stars.
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Living Wright

While other kids were watching "The Smurfs," Scene Writer Jason Ashley Wright was tuned in to "Style with Elsa Klensch." By fourth grade, he knew he wanted to write, and spent almost three years publishing a weekly teen-oriented magazine, Teen-Zine -- circulation: 2. After earning a degree in journalism from the University of Southern Mississippi, he became the medical reporter and teen board coordinator for the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, a Gannett newspaper. Eight months later, with visions of Elsa dancing in his head, he applied for the fashion writer position at the Tulsa World, where he began working on Aug. 3, 1998. He is now a general assignment reporter for Scene.

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