Tom Waits
With love from ...
Tom Waits
Here is the full text of Tom Waits' tongue-in-cheek, personal response to the Tulsa World's question of "Why Tulsa?" for his newest tour, Glitter and Doom. He denied interview requests, but felt compelled to share with us why he loves Tulsa. So, with a little intro from me, his words follow.
GET MORE DETAILS IN SUNDAY'S TULSA WORLD!
By Jennifer Chancellor
World Scene Writer
Fad and fashion mean little to Tom Waits, the existential and hyper-intelligent carnival-barker for the dusky and oblique.
Waits holds a ridiculous amount of fondness for Tulsa — a place he visited in the ’80s, when he performed in both of filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola’s translations of S.E. Hinton’s novels, “The Outsiders” and “Rumblefish.”
(And, remarkably, he says that the Tulsa International Airport has “the best food.”)
Although he’s not granting interviews for his current “Glitter and Doom” tour, the quirky musical shaman did send the Tulsa World an exclusive commentary to tell us, “Why Tulsa.”
On Wednesday, for the first time ever in Tulsa — and the first time in Oklahoma since 1974, when he opened for Frank Zappa in Oklahoma City — Waits will regale fans with music and his renowned spoken-word pieces, heralded by Rolling Stone magazine as “shaggy dog monologues.”
With some 20 albums in his storied career, the eccentric musical shaman and rare bird has decided to take his show to some of the few venues in the nation that he’s rarely or never played in before.
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And now, in Waits' own words:
Some time around March 1, I received an email from an organization called the “Tulsa Friends of SE Hinton.com,” or something like that. They invited me to be a special guest at a cast reunion of the films “The Outsiders” and “Rumblefish.” I have special memories of my time in Tulsa in the mid '80s and looked forward to rekindling them. I was told to get to Tulsa on the 25th and they would reimburse me for my plane ticket.
I haven’t heard from anyone about where I should be, so I called the organizers. They said all the cast members were notified and most were unavailable. I asked, “Well, what about Tom Cruise?” They said they couldn’t get Tom, but they do have a magician who looks just like him, and oddly, works on cruise ships.
Matt Dillon? Not exactly. They have a guy named Mark Dillon, who, although not related, worked as a grip on the movie and also claims his favorite show as a boy was “Gunsmoke.”
Nic Cage? No, but we have Omar Cage, who’s also a cage fighter and raises cage free chickens. Incredible, but true.
Mickey Rourke? Not this time, but the owner of Wong’s, famous for its sweet and sour pork, will be joining us.
Diane Lane? Nope, but a brother-in-law of Frankie Laine is willing to change his plans and join us for the opening ceremony. Ironically he graduated from TU-Lane University and lives on Primrose Lane in Sheboygan.
Patrick Swayze wasn’t available, but they did get John Cameron Swayze’s grandson. John Cameron may no longer be ticking, but the kid’s doing well and is bringing his stepdaughter Daisy Swayze.
Right now it looks like I am the only cast member coming.
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Tulsa in the 80’s was the place to be. My “Rumblefish” character, Benny, was so popular that a local family opened a restaurant out on S. Yale called “Benny’s." The waitresses were required to ask all customers, “What do you boys want?” Which is, of course, my ground-breaking line as Buck Merrill in “The Outsiders.” It worked like a charm except when they had a table of all women. Unfortunately, it hit hard times and was taken over by a national chain. They came in, took the B off the sign and replaced it with a D. I’m sure you’ve been there.
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People ask where I get the confetti for my shows. Tulsa Confetti Works out on S. 79th E is the premier place in the country to get paper cut up into small pieces that I can throw around and let others clean up.
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Bob Dylan told me that the best steak sandwich in the country is in Tulsa. I don’t remember if the Branding Iron was the name of the restaurant or the sandwich, either way, Bob knows his cafes and my first stop with be the Branding Iron. (editor’s note: We found five restaurants with that name: in Durant, El Reno, Lawton, Erick ... the closest one is just over the state line in Mena, Ark.)
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As a law abiding citizen I have had an ongoing concern about all the oddball laws that are still on the books:
It is illegal to open a soda bottle with out the presence of a licensed engineer.
Kisses lasting more than three minutes are illegal in Tulsa.
Whale hunting is illegal in OK.
All automobiles must be tethered to a post.
Wristwatches can only be worn indoors.
In Tulsa, playing the saxophone is prohibited within the city limits.
Chewing tobacco is strictly enforced.
Any man wearing plaid pants must be photographed and registered with the N-A-U (National Apparel Union).
It is illegal to have an unusual hair cut.
You cannot purchase alcohol without the written consent of your wife.
In Tulsa it is illegal to say “for Christ sakes” or “Oh boy.”
You may not take a bite out of someone’s hamburger without permission.
Thank you, Mr. Waits. :)
