By MIKE JONES Associate Editor on Aug 5, 2011, at 3:29 PM Updated on 8/05 at 3:29 PM
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I’m beginning to come around to all this Rapture stuff. Not that I have a death wish, nor do I want to see any of my fellow humans suffer.And I certainly haven't had a Road to Damascus encounter. With me, it’s strictly political.
Harold Camping, an elderly West Coast Christian radio host/preacher had predicted earlier that the Rapture would happen on May 21. He also had predicted the same for 1994. Obviously, he missed both.
For those who have not kept up, the Rapture is a pseudo-religious event that, according to believers, will take place not long before the end of the world, overseen and scripted by the Almighty. The believers (all Christians) will be magically lifted into Heaven where they will dwell in complete happiness. All those left on Earth - Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, some Catholics, nature-worshippers, all other nonbelievers and, of course, me – will be left behind to endure excruciating torture until Jesus Christ returns and casts us into Hell. I suppose it can’t get any worse after that.
That’s the down side. I, however, have found an upside. The way I understand it, if you’re not a Republican, you can’t be a Christian. And, according to some Republicans, Democrats can’t go to Heaven. Therefore, the Republicans will be lifted up into the Rapture, leaving only Democrats, liberals and maybe some Libertarians, Indpendents and, of course, me down here, along with others to endure the wrath of God. Question: What about Republican Muslims or Jews? Let me know.
But back to the upside. After missing on the May 21 date (not to mention 1994), Camping has revised his Rapture date to Oct. 21. Well, it’s already hot as hell down here, so what’s a little more heat? And, if all the Republicans are lifted up in the Rapture, that will leave a Congress full of Democrats and liberals. All those tea party House members will be gone. I don’t wish any harm upon any of them, but evidently they will be a lot happier where they’re going.
So, that will leave what’s left of Congress the task of getting things back in order. We ought to have some good health care before the end of the world.
The old joke bumper sticker once was: “In case of Rapture, can I have your car?” I’m revising it to: “In case of Rapture, can I have your vote?”
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