The cover. See the chocolate shot glasses? They're actually called "parfait chocolates," but I bet they'd move a lot more of 'em if they renamed them "choc-shots." Or not, probably.
The centerfold. Sexy, no?
Godiva's catalogs oughta come wrapped in black plastic.
For whatever reason, I found two of them in my mailbox on Monday -- specifically, copies of the famous chocolatier's 2011 business gifts catalog, with a lovely photo of what appears to be two scallop-edged chocolate shot "glasses" filled with something strawberrily libatious. (Not surprisingly, SpellCheck highlighted those last two words in red; but SpellCheck also highlights "SpellCheck," so I'm deciding to ignore it.)
Anyhoo, I really wanted to go back to my desk, prop my feet up and pore through the catalog, fantasizing about the new 36-piece box of Hanukkah Ballotins. But I feel kinda dirty doing that in public -- like it's pornographic or something else questionably moral. Like bacon cheese fries dipped in ranch. That's triple-X on a plate.
My food issues are well documented. Well, they're documented, whatever. Apparently, I experience food guilt on a daily basis, usually after I've eaten something I shouldn't have.
But I hadn't felt the hot face rush of food shame until I was flipping through the G'diva biz-gift catalog (
See the naughty stuff for yourself.). I felt like I needed to hide it in my man purse and sneak it home so I can flip pages by the lamplight of my leather recliner or some other equally sleazy-sounding, non-Pinterest-worthy place.
That's what I do with cookbooks. When I get bored, I remember I own some, take them down and flip through the sauciest sections first -- Bernaise, alfredo, garlic-butter, Bourguignonne. Then, it's on to desserts, then breads if I don't have anything better to do.
So imagine my sick delight at the Godiva centerfold, the first page of which tempts the weak-willed business owner with truffles in a dozen sinful flavors, from tiramisu and red velvet to carrot cake and seemingly innocent vanilla mousse.
The facing page is a carnal display of the Chef's Limited Edition Ultimate Dessert Truffles, including the Chocolate Lava Cake truffle, a smolderingly marvelous confection -- molten, if you will. Like lava -- or the FIRES OF HELL! Devil! DEVIL!!!
Lord help me, a few pages over, they have their new Chocolate Hazelnut Layer Cake, as well as Caramel Pecan Brownies and -- pass me a tent-revival paper fan -- their Chocolate Ganache Layer Cake. It's a chocolate-paved path to hell in a hand basket. A basket that might look like the new Holiday Chocolate Connoisseur Basket -- nearly five pounds of pure, delicious, finger-lickin' evil.
Get thee behind me, Godiva! Or get thee in my bottom right-hand desk drawer until I need my next visual eye-candy fix. Hey, at least it's calorie-free, right?
Peace, love and things covered in Bernaise ... XOXO
Today's non sequitur: Did you see on CNN that scientists discovered some crazy, saber-toothed squirrel-like critter that lived millions of years ago?
Check it out here.
