The Pharma Nation Nut Cake, with a buttery cream cheese frosting and sprinkles of ... Well, let's just say sprinkles.
"Apocalypse Cakes" ($14, Running Press) is an occasionally risque, tongue-in-cheek cake cookbook for those like me who aren't taking the Mayans seriously next year.
I've never needed an excuse to eat.
Happy? Sounds like ice cream time. Depressed? Skip the Kleenex, pass the chips and salsa.
End of the world? Well, there's probably an app for that -- and, thanks to the delightful Shannon O'Malley, there's a cake for it, too.
With the brief intro of "We're doomed. Eat cake," O'Malley's "Apocalypse Cakes" ($14, Running Press) offers a funny and often politically incorrect cookbook with more than two dozen recipes for sweet treats to take your mind off the potentially upcoming end of the world, as far as the Mayan calendar is concerned.
Originally, I was going to write a little story about this in the paper, but I lost my courage because of a couple of risque recipes. So here's hoping the blog doesn't get me fired (in which case I imagine I'll go home and make the Pharma National Nut Cake -- perhaps with M&Ms instead of a variety of prescription pills).
The funny photos by Keith Wilson make this a great stocking stuffer for those friends with weird senses of humor. Or, perhaps, sociopaths.
My favorites were the Lake of Fire Creme Brulee, Obesity Epidemic Pound Cake, Fallen Angel Food Cake (which graces the book's cover, at right) and the colorful Whore of Babylon Fruit Tart, of which I asked the publishing house for a hi-res image to go with this blog. In fact, I had attached the image to run here, what with its flaky, fluted crust surrounding strawberries, kiwi fruit and peaches glistening sweetly.
Sadly, as the whore tart deliciously represents our civilization's fall into degeneracy, the photo also incorporated a few other things in the background, including a mirror with five lines of coke. I discovered that after spending 10 minutes creating an ugly black block to hide the prophylactic at the bottom of the picture. So Pharma Nation Nut Cake won.
Still, the tart sounds delicious, and you can totally rename it something more polite for your next soiree -- like, I don't know, Innocent Fruit Tart.
WHORE OF BABYLON FRUIT TART
Crust:
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/8 pound (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened and sliced
Topping:
Fresh strawberries, kiwi slices, blueberries, raspberries
Filling:
1/2 pound (1 8-ounce package) cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Glaze:
1 (6-ounce) can frozen limeade concentrate, thawed
t tablespoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon fresh lime
1/4 cup sugar
Whipped cream, for garnish
1. Preheat the oven to 350.
2. In a food processor, combine the confectioners' sugar, flour and butter, and process until the mixture forms a ball. With your fingers, press the dough into a 12-inch tart pan with a removable bottom, taking care to push the crust into the indentations in the sides. Pat until the crust is even. Bake for 10-12 minutes, until very lightly browned. Set aside to cool.
3. Beat the cream cheese, sugar and vanilla together, until smooth. Spread over the cooled crust. Cut the strawberries into 1/4-inch slices, and arrange around the edge of the crust. For the next circle, use kiwi slices. Add another circle of strawberries, filling in any spaces with blueberries. Cluster the raspberries in the center of the tart.
4. Combine the limeade, cornstarch, lime juice and sugar in a small saucepan, and cook over medium heat until clear and thick, about 2 minutes. Let cool. With a pastry brush, glaze the entire tart. You will not use all of the glaze. (Or maybe you will, who knows.)
5. Keep the tart in the fridge. Remove about 15 minutes before serving. Slice into 8 wedges, and serve with a dollop of whipped cream.
If you make this, send me a pic so I can salivate over it lustily. Or not, now that I just creeped myself out by typing that. Sorry.
Peace, love and degeneracy ... XOXO
Today's non sequitur: So what's gonna happen to La Toya Jackson now that the trial is over? I wish she'd team up with Yoko Ono or the Scissor Sisters and do some kind of trippy dance-club single. Not that I'm a fan of hers, but I bet the video would be interesting -- especially after a slice of the Pharma Nation Nut Cake.
