At least she was standing up when she died.
Unless you're reading this blog for the first time (and Lord love ya for it!), you know I'm clumsy.
(Also, if you'll pardon the slight non sequitur, if you're reading me for the first time or have NO clue what that L word in the subject line is, it's pronounced "LAN-yap" and is Cajun for "a little something extra." In the case of my blog or the first Tuesday of each month in my column, it's just a random thought, blah, blah, blah.)
Anyhoo, I swear this isn't gross or graphic, but I was in the shower this weekend (that time of the week, don'tcha know) and dropped the dang soap.
I grimaced, muttered something unfriendly to the soap under my breath and bent down to pick it up.
Now, you need to know my shower is a smidgen small -- or I've just gotten THAT fat. Whatever, I kept pawing for the soap on the slick shower floor when my feet slightly slid backward, sending my head not-so-gently forward into a corner of the shower.
I didn't fall; I just got stuck in the world's most painful downward dog yoga position. I'd bend my knees to fall completely down, but my feet kept slipping.
"Fabulous," I said to myself, blood rushing to my head, which was an inch or so from the floor -- right above the soap, actually. Images of a really strange chalk outline sprang to my mind, as I figured I'd eventually drown in this position, with the shower head pounding my back, sending water running down my neck and into my nose.
"I'm totally going to be in one of those News of the Weird segments," I thought of my obit going viral. Like some kind of tragic medical-alert commercial. "I've dropped the soap and I can't get up!"
After several seconds, my hands were less soapy and slick to grab on to the old-people rails, which were installed by Youngun when he owned the house. I had always hated those things until now.
Here's what I learned:
(1) Soap sucks.
(2) I need to get skinny again so I can just fall, break whatever and face-crawl to the door for help.
(3) Old-people rails are lifesavers.
Peace, love and medical alerts ... XOXO
