Stuck in the muck? World file
I found my kicks on U.S. 169. World file
The political playbook. AP
Australopithecus or Leviticus? AP file
There was a bizarre child-stealing incident in my neighborhood a few days ago, so I guess it’s natural that my limericks have turned to thoughts of law and order.
The cops on the beat were excited.
To a party they’d all been invited.
But the court’s invitation
Was no cause for elation.
In fact, they’d all be indicted.
Five cops have been put in the dock.
It’s a shame and a great civic shock.
If they do name make bail,
And are held in jail,
Will they lead one another’s perp walk?
While more and more cops are walking around with other people’s handcuffs on, the interim police chief says he thinks he’d make a good permanent police chief.
There once was a top cop named Chuck,
Whose job chance got stuck in the muck.
As interim chief
(He learned to his grief)
Your prospects are matters of luck.
I can’t imagine that anyone was surprised to learn Thursday that U.S. 169 has a lot of traffic accidents on it. It’s the Willie Sutton theory of bank robbing: “That’s where the money is.”
Drive careful on one-sxity-nine
Was the warning from a friend of mine:
The traffic will vex
And there’s lots of wrecks
But the tickets are said to be fine.
Of course, I can’t stop the political poetry from flowing this close to primary election day. I’ve lost track of how many candidate’s I’ve met in editorial board meetings and on my front porch in the past few weeks. Here’s a little Broadway-style lyric that comes to mind from some of the campaign techniques:
Quote the Bible every day,
Every speech and every way,
It’s a strategy that works, I’ll tell you how,
As a political beginner,
Quote the Bible, Mr. Sinner,
And the winner voting day will be thou.
If his ads give your tummy tribulations,
Let him hear from Acts and maybe Revelation,
If he makes you feel like Australopithecus,
Hit him squarely in the eye with your Leviticus.
Quote the Bible every day,
Every speech and every way,
It’s a strategy that works, I’ll tell you how,
As a political beginner,
Quote the Bible, Mr. Sinner,
And the winner voting day will be thou.
If his rhetoric you find you do not likea,
Take chapter and a verse right out of Micah.
If the press with facts are constantly a pester,
Quote from Judges, Kings and possibly from Esther.
Quote the Bible every day,
Every speech and every way,
It’s a strategy that works, I’ll tell you how,
As a political beginner,
Quote the Bible, Mr. Sinner,
And the winner voting day will be thou.
If the polls may you want to shout Gadzooks,
Take a lesson our of our old friend St. Luke.
If endorsements give your spirit qualms,
Just remember all your Proverbs and your Psalms.
Quote the Bible every day,
Every speech and every way,
It’s a strategy that works, I’ll tell you how,
As a political beginner,
Quote the Bible, Mr. Sinner,
And the winner voting day will be thou.
And How!
