After reading the now much-talked about open letter criticizing girls from
Texas-based mommy blogger Kim Hall, it made me sad for boys.
Hall took the bold position of telling girls that once they post an online self-photo braless or in jammies, they get banned.
“And so, in our house, there are no second chances with pics like that, ladies. We have a zero tolerance policy. I know, so lame. But, if you want to stay friendly with our sons online, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent. If you post a sexy selfie (we all know the kind), or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – it’s curtains.”
Her example was of girls in a bedroom striking a red-carpet pose wearing pajamas (sans a bra) with arched backs and pouty lips.
Hardly Playboy there.
And, I’m pretty sure I have some similar photos from my 13th birthday party sleepover in 1985.
Not too many of us ended up raging, slutty teenagers with loose moral values and sad adult lives (sarcasm there).
While Hall has three boys she is trying to raise into men of integrity, I have a boy and a girl, also trying to be raised into people of integrity.
For my son, I won‘t ban girls making bad decisions from his life.
I want him to look beyond the pouty lips and silly poses.
I’d want him to be the friend she can count on.
Be the guy who gives second chances and respects her, even if she’s acting out in a cry for attention.
Be the guy who shows that girl she is more than what she appears.
Be the guy who doesn‘t notice whether a girl is wearing a bra.
And, even if you do, be strong and wise enough to know she is still a person and not an object.
For my daughter, I hope she ends up with a guy who doesn’t fall prey to sexy hip sway.
Find a boy looking beyond the social expectations found in magazines and videos.
Find a boy who respects your opinion more than your fashion choice.
Find a boy willing to give second chances.
Find a boy wanting to be your friend just as much as your boyfriend.
Hall is right in that kids don’t understand the power of what they post on social media.
They may be self-conscious, but they are not always self aware.
For girls in particular, there is a treacherous road to navigate in social pressure, from beauty expectations to “Blurred Lines.”
Blogger Angi Becker Stevens explains this best in her own letter:
“You are pressured to be sexy and desirable, made to feel that your very worth depends on your sexiness, and yet if you wear sexy clothing or take pictures of yourself in a sexy pose, you are shamed for being a slut and told that you are responsible for making boys view you as a sexual object.”
In the end, kids will make bad decisions, whether intentional or not.
Even if a girl purposely posts a provocative photo, that doesn’t mean she deserves a Scarlett Letter or be thrown to the side.
It doesn’t diminish her value, intelligence or potential.
It means the boys who see her need to know how to act like men of integrity.
Follow Ginnie Graham on Twitter.
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