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Laugh Riot
Published: 8/18/2008 4:43 PM
Last Modified: 8/18/2008 4:43 PM

Need a smile?
The AP just released its top 20.
1. Georgia.
Loved because it defeated Hawaii. Great runner. Coach and quarterback run the 40 in about the same time.
No chance at national title, could lose four.
2. Ohio State.
National embarrassment last two.
In SEC or Big 12, it would be in Peanut Bowl.
Slow.
Forget again.
3. USC.
Ranked on reputation.
No national title game for teams without conference title games.
4. OU.
Hard to get too critical as it owns Texas and OSU.
Can Venables coach elite-level defense?
Fantastic schedule.
5. Florida.
QB one dumb run from infirmary.
Owns best state in football.
6. Missouri.
Contender? Choker? Another K-State after QB goes?
7. LSU.
Wacky coach, no QB suggest off year.
8. West Virginia.
No coach.
Put on map by OU.
9. Clemson.
This, Arizona State, Va. Tech are overrated fringe players.
10. Auburn.
Still owed one by nation after OU rooked it out of title game. Loud sleeper.
11. Texas.
Outside of Vince, Mack has done little.
12. Texas Tech.
Coach can't escape.
13. Wisconsin.
Conservative as mild cheddar.
14. Kansas.
Embarrassing schedule.
15. Arizona State.
See note at number 9.
16. BYU.
Please: Held TU to something like 75.
17. Va Tech.
See 9 and 15 notes.
18. Tennessee.
Fulmer wins John Cooper Career Achievement Award.
Wins exactly enough to retain gig.
19. South Florida.
Shows how far south Florida State has sunk, below this stuff.
20. Illinois.
Has introduced a revolutionary concept to the Big Ten: a little speed.
Major improvements: Nebraska, UCLA.
Tlitle game: OU/Missouri winner versus Florida/Auburn winner.

Reader Comments

49 Total

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Lord Suckpoop (5 years ago)

Do my eyes deceive me or do I detect an oh-so mild approach to the Sooners? Of the top ten I totally agree regarding teams 1, 7, 8 (possibly), 9 & 10). Ohio State ain't that slow and with Wells attempting an Archie Griffin mimic, they could make it to another embarrassing finale. USC, even with Sanchez out (if he's out), has enough illegal stallions to make a run for the ring (although with Neuheisel and Chow 'cross town, the PAC 10 could be interesting once again). Love the comment on Tebow. Mizzou shouldn't drop off too much after the pill-headed Daniel departs now that Gabbert is aboard. The rest of the top twenty? Honestly, what does it matter? But I did love the Cooper comment...he's always looked like the first guy to see the monster in any horror film made before 1962.

cyco myko (5 years ago)

Hey Licker,
Pre-Season Polls are a waste of time and totally pointless- just like your columns.

noyl (5 years ago)

The Pickr’ Snickr’s are the Dave Berry’s, Richard Black’s, & George Carlin’s of sports commentary. @ least the “yuck-er” has a wee more intelligence than those ego headed, mind-less, only funny to themselves, ES”Phoney”N’s lunkheads!

Can’t wait to find out the “Snickr’s” picks for worst, most nauseating, most annoying, most boring, most listenable, most irritating football announcers. Is there anyway they could just pipe in the stadium noise & drown out Phil “Its still stuck in my nose” Sims?

I guess the Pickr’ is the Rodney Dangerfield of sports journalism. “You get no Respect”
But I respect you, especially your Pro Picks (Historically, easily hits on 60% ATS).
& By the end of the season, you’ll find that many of those Pickr’ insights on the Top 20 were right on!

Chester Drawers (5 years ago)

Looks like the picker is writing blogs under the name of NOYL....... :)

noyl (5 years ago)

Yea, not only am I the Pickn’r in disguise, but I get paid by blogger responses.

Whether you show signs of intelligence or a dense bias towards your favorite team, your opinion actually increases my pocket book. The more moronic the better, the more upset you are, the more abbreviated blog syntax you’ll write.

Right now, I’m selling “Pieces” to this instant wealth Pickr’ Pyramid scheme. For every word you write you send me $10.00 a word & then you sell your comments to other degenerate, degrading, demeaning, debasing, depressing, & disillusioned folk’s like yourself. You’ll be “yuck’n” up with the pros in no time.

We only take cash!

Dash Riprock (5 years ago)

Sooner fans better hope that they win all 12 regular season games, then face a 12-0 Mizzou team in KC on December 6. I can't see any other way for OU to get to Miami for the BCS championship game. The voting world is so set on a participant from the SEC, that they may take a one-loss Georgia, Florida or Auburn to play against an unbeaten challenger from ANY other conference, even if there may be additional teams without a loss. We need a playoff...pronto...

Dash Riprock (5 years ago)

Nit Picker (5 years ago)

WP:

Your sarcasm often gets in the way of your syntax. Or as some say, you are all sizzle and no beef.

And yes, analysing pre-season polls can make one feel like a teaser at a thoroughbred horse breeding farm.

Still, it is something to do until you get the nerve to wear a Chaw t-shirt with your name on it.

Georgia: a bad No.1 pick if you consider their schedule - @Auburn,SC,LSU. But their recent SEC away record is pretty darn good.

OSU: yeah,they have lost the last two, but at least they can get to the NC game. Don't they have like 17-18 starters back and a defense that gives up less than 20 a game?

LSU: no QB, no problem-different one every year anyway for them. Their defense will likely be solid again. That could be the thing that overcomes their coach's wackness.

WV: they do have a coach - he is in Michigan. Actually, they don't need one-ask OU.

You may have underrated Texas and LSU; Auburn is surley a sleeper.
Taco Tech overrated? Yes, well maybe; but what if, just what if, they do actually have a defense to go with that offense?

But at this point it all means nothing anyway. Unless you are betting the futures book. Which is for fools and Phil Mickelson.

Besides, you will still be wrong after the season is over, just like last year, chump.

World Picker (5 years ago)

Nit Picker: You're typical of all the lousy handicappers who run through schedules and base picks on that. Not only is it simple-minded, it's predictable. And wrong.

Schedules do have an influence on below average performers like yourself. But on the elite level, the best teams win where ever. For example, Ohio State has a fine chance to go to LA and defeat USC. At the top, best teams win.

TU fans: Did we warn you well in advance or what? While everybody else was going BCS, BCS, BCS, we of course said beware, you need a quarterback and a defense.

Well, TU seems to have a starting quarterback with reservations.

TAB (5 years ago)

The conventional wisdom out there on the TU quarterback situation is that it will be Bower; Johnson will start out of loyalty but they are thrilled with Bower's athleticism. That's not a reservation, that's letting the fifth year senior start against the lesser opponents to open the year. Bower will be the starter when they play New Mexico.

World Picker (5 years ago)

TAB, you're only a 14-point favorite at lowly UAB; beware!

JJ (5 years ago)

It is funny how a few teams seem to be in the Top 25 regardless. Tennessee yawn, ASU more yawns, Wisconsin, Clemson dont these teams keep saving their coaches jobs. Yawn, yawn, where is Texas A&M & Nebraska 2 more teams that people put too much belief into. OU does have a favorable schedule... ala 2000.

Nit Picker (5 years ago)

WP:

First: handicapping is predicting future performance based on past performance, you ninny.

Second: I agreed GA.'s schedule was brutal and could be a barrier to winning the NC-just as you. However, I did note they have a decent SEC away game record (13-4) last four years-you didn't.

Note, WP: As you said before, "its all about matchups". And a team's entire schedule is really nothing more than 12 matchups.

Third: I have seen some of your horse race handicapping and thus am fairly certain you will be a loser in CFB just as you are in horse racing.

Fourth: "At the top the best teams win". That makes no sense. And you call yourself a writer.
Don't you mean, "The teams that win are the best and are at the top"?
BTW: Is this something you just recently discovered?
Most of the rest of us have known this for years.

Fifth: if OSU is such an embarrasment, and is so slow, how will they beat USC in CA? Defense maybe? 18 returning starters maybe? USC unproven QB maybe?
Would you take OSU -14 today?

Maybe your sarcasm would be funnier if you knew what you were talking about.

Maybe if you knew what you were talking about your handicapping would be better and you wouldn't have to write a blog for a living.

TAB (5 years ago)

Have you followed UAB at all, Picker? They aren't having a good summer. No d line and a receiver playing quarterback. I'm confident enough I'm going to Birmingham.

Robert (5 years ago)

Come on, Nit picker, give ol Jay Cronley a break. His royalties from the 3000 sales of his books ran out years ago so he has to do something.

Danny (4 years ago)

Funny how The Picker would chose OU, who has about the same big game record as Ohio State.

OU will blow it again just like they always do.

West Virginia made OU and Bob Stoops, look overrated and outsmarted. Still OU fans are holding on to the one championship Stoops got a decade ago.

Poor Swooners. They'll swoon again and wives will be beaten, dogs kicked and catfish noodled from their holes as frustrated Swooner fans fall flat on their face when the going gets tough.

Poor Swooners.

Nit Picker (4 years ago)

Robert:
World Picker is anonymous. He refuses to identify himself. No one knows who he is. He has never written anything other than his blog here at TW.

Danny:
It is impossible to (a) win a Big 12 Championship or (b) lose a BCS/NC bowl game while watching them on tv from, say, Lincoln, Nebraska or Stillwater, Oklahoma.

But you have known that for years, haven't you, Danny?

cyco myko (4 years ago)

hey licker,
just when I think no one could possibly write something more worthless and ignorant than you- along comes Danny and makes you look like a genius. No easy feat.
PS: Nit Licker, the picker doesn't write this blog for a living- he writes, "In the Wright Light". That's why he knows more about fashion than football.

Chris (4 years ago)

Nit Picker is also anonymous, as he refuses to come out from the shadows and identify himself. Why would he anyway? It would be too embarrassing.

Since WP gets paid to write this and Nit Picker get's paid to take out the trash at his parents house, who is in the better situation?

Nit Picker, you are acting like Nebraska has never experienced a National Championship. You, in your own head, actually think Nebraska is not a powerhouse? They have won plenty of big games and championships in Lincoln.

Your annoying essay's you write on here get old and stale. Find a day job.

Teams on the top 20 that deserve their ranking:

OU, USC, Missouri and Auburn.

Teams that don't:

Ohio State, West Virginia, Texas Tech, BYU

World Picker (4 years ago)

There are some unbelievable first weekend games. The weekend runs Thursday through Monday.

Thursday, the old bull coach (Carolina) hosts NC State, and Wake is at Baylor.

Friday, SMU is at Rice.

Saturday best: Alabama/Clemson and Missouri/Illinois in St. Louis.

Sunday, Colorado plays Colorado State (then Colorado plays West Virginia and Florida State), and Kentucky is at coach K.

Monday, Tennessee is at UCLA.

Greatest opening weekend ever.

For laughs, there's Hawaii at Florida.

Will Florida score 200?

turdus migratorius (4 years ago)

"If you cellmates think women volleyball players are nice in those outfits, wait until you get a look at the Euro shot-putters.

These volleyers, it's like seeing Olive Oyl in a bikini.

Male up, out there. "

OH, is this comment out of place? It was also out of place last week. Picker thinks he can anonymously bash female athlete's bodies from a purely aesthetic perspective because he writes about sports.

To all the women out there, it's OK to be athletic and strong and it's OK to wear the uniform your Olympic team assigns to you. It does not mean you are cheap or stupid, and it does not mean you are ugly.

The picker should never have written that, and especially should never have written that he was merely defending women's honor through uniform design modesty. We all know he was being demeaning and insulting.

Opinions about uniforms are one thing, but judging female olympic athletes on their aesthetic appeal, especially anonymously, is neither progressive nor constructive. Shame on you, Mr. Picker. SHAME.

World Picker (4 years ago)

A quick note on the 2008 picking contest. It starts Monday, all college games the first couple of weeks. Picks are made against the point spread. The games, 16 of them, will go online Monday morning, no later than noon.

The first weekend of action, I'd appreciate it if all the players would take Clemson minus the points with Alabama, and would take Washington State plus the points, five or six, versus Oklahoma State.

You won't believe the top prize in the contest.

turdus migratorius (4 years ago)

i can't wait to enter the contest. maybe i'll win the ladies' first prize: a burka to wear around the football stadium so that men can focus on their business of sports picking and cheerleader gawking and not be distracted by my flesh in the seat next to them.

cyco myko (4 years ago)

hey turdus,
your name sounds like a weird condition of the flesh. If this is the case with you, please wear the parka.
But you're right about the licker. He's a jackass.

turdus migratorius (4 years ago)

ha ha ha. first of all, i wrote burka, not parka. look it up. second, my name is latin for "american robin," which is what i am. and, the picker is not a jackass or a jackinthebox or jackalope. he's a rather nice guy who got carried away and needs a good kick in the somewhere.

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Out Pick The Picker

The Picker began entertaining – and infuriating – sports fans in 1993. Each week during football season, he writes about his picks of college and NFL games in his Thursday Sports column. He's never afraid of sharing his opinions about the game and the personalities who play it. Readers have a chance to go against him each season in the Outpick the Picker contest. He welcomes the competition.

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