Elusive, Owasso (11/21/2009 5:03:20 AM)

This would be good legislation for those parents stuck with a disturbed child that cannot be rehabilitated and did not know the extent of their impairment before they agreed to the adoption.

fjm1952, sapulpa (11/21/2009 7:06:20 AM)

a lot of these kids was abused and they need loving enviroment, they all can be saved, the foster parents know this when they take them in so i guess what you are saying is you should never help kids of abuseive parents, just throw the out and let the be outlaws with out even trying, a lot of these kids can make it if people will try, give them guidence, a little time, and a strong family enviroment, some people should never have kids if they cant do that

tried, (11/21/2009 7:28:51 AM)

"A little time and a strong family environment" will NOT "fix" a child with RAD (radical attachment disorder). These kids are, unfortunately, incapable of forming normal ties with others.
But wouldn't the foster parent know this about a child before they adopted? I've only had 2 "RADishes" as foster kids. One was 5, one 16. They were very tough kids to handle.
I have two friends with RAD step-kids. I see the families torn apart by the behaviors of one child. It is very sad.
But, again, this behavior was visible before choices were made to build families.
We are all optimists. "Sure, we can fix the problem." Unfortunately, some problems are unfixable. There might be strategies to deal with them, but the problems will always exist.
I wish folks would make more informed decisions before adopting. These aren't puppies we're talking about.

papajohn, henryetta (11/21/2009 7:30:50 AM)

fjm1952, how many of these kids do you have in your home at this time?

true2form, Grand Lake (11/21/2009 9:36:11 AM)

What would they do if they were having trouble with a natural born child?

AdoptiveMom, Broken Arrow (11/21/2009 11:23:23 AM)

FINALLY! No, not all these kids can be fixed! Cast your stones with caution because unless you have parented a child with RAD, you have absolutely no clue what it is like. We are a strong Christian couple who adopted two kids with RAD (unbeknownst to us at the time for the most part). Our world was torn apart, and we lost nearly every person in our support network, and everything financially we'd worked for for twenty years as a result to get one of them out of our home after unspeakable actions to a sibling, and live in chaos with the other one with not a lot of hope of it ever being okay despite love, time, and much treatment. Love will not fix the damage that has been done to some of these kids.

mzvtul, Tulsa (11/21/2009 1:13:25 PM)

A child is still a child. As adults, we are supposed to nurture. What next?? Don't want a kid with blue eyes... take him back. I understand that these "RAD" kids take a lot of extra care. But, allowing these adoptions to be overturned is going to open a pandora's box. The next thing you know, little Johnny is gonna spill something on adopted mom's carpet, and he's gonna go back into state custody. Isn't there a better solution than to just throw a child away?

Few Clothes, America (11/21/2009 1:26:17 PM)

I think it is a good idea. A friend of mine adopted an Indian boy and didn't realize until later that he had fetal alcohol problems and couldn't be controlled.

Chuck48, BA (11/21/2009 1:31:23 PM)

I would have to believe that those who are advocating this would also believe it is ok to "return" as defective material those children who are biologically theirs?

Few Clothes, America (11/21/2009 2:18:35 PM)

I chose to be childless by choice and would never adopt anything other than a dog and cat. I simply think that people either make a mistake or have not been given all of the pertinent information on the child's parents background. You can divorce your spouse is you wish but should not be stuck with a violent adopted child. This mistake, or error, should be divorced too.

Ignatz, A nice place where Democrats hold every office in the County. (11/21/2009 3:47:51 PM)

Nice to see intelligent comments on a thread without name-calling. My son was a real problem but I hung with him through his 24th year before he turned his life around, but then I really didn't have any "warranty" on him to allow me send him somewhere else.

I fly, BA (11/21/2009 5:33:38 PM)

These kids were created by people who were violent and neglectful to them. When we adopted a 9 year old we knew she wouldn't be a perfect child and were prepared for a hard time. DHS did not disclose all her file, which by law they are required to. The nightmare she enduried from birth is unthinkable. It is not her fault, but what do you do with a child who poisons the family who adopted her and sets the house on fire. A RAD child survives by shutting down emotionally. Maybe with years of RAD specific therapy they can improve, maybe not. You must protect the other childern in your home. Believe me, the decision to resend an adoption is not easy.

J C OK, Tulsa County (11/21/2009 9:18:13 PM)

My former boss and his wife adopted a girl and it was difficult but they made it with the first child. The second child was impossible and tried to kill and sexually molest the the sister and another girl. This wonderful man had to send her back. This was in another state and it was allowed. It was known that she would have some problems. But, as it happens so often they do not tell all. This was a wealthy family and they tried therapy and everything they knew. The adoptive mother had been adopted and she herself had problems. I really felt sorry for this doctor having to put up with an emotional wife and a dangerous child.


I know it is wonderful for folks to adopt a child. However, with the information and knowledge I have witnessed I have always said I could not deal with it.

My sister-in-law adopted a boy and girl who gave them nothing but hell. One is an alcoholic and the girl is a mess with drugs. The girl had two children and my sister had to raise them and they were both slow due to her drug, most likely.


To those of you who have adopted and given these children a home may God Bless You. I know there are cases that are wonderful. I am sorry for being so negative but this article brought back memories.

Ron Ballew, Lawton (11/22/2009 12:27:37 AM)

If you can divorce a wife, you should be able to divorce an adopted child. If is like divorcing the being (wife or State) that gave you the child and giving custody to that being (wife or State).

If a wife or adopted child will not behave, knowing they can be divorced, then they should be divorced. Return to sender!

slideitin2deep, tulsa (11/22/2009 6:14:01 AM)

hmm they been doing it for a long time. I was a dopted as a baby and at 13 adudacated in need of supervision. sent to a home the state ran .I wasnt doing nothing like the other kids in the neighborhood.I wasnt stealin robbin amd doin drugs .But my mom swore up and down i was and i got sent off. Sothis is nothing new. In fact it is a crock of crap, My parents used me for a tax deduction.

slideitin2deep, tulsa (11/22/2009 6:16:24 AM)

just wait till i publich my book.

Thankfulpeach, Somewhere Over the Rainbow (11/22/2009 7:57:53 AM)

Just like the Legislative Task force of 1997, the current adoption review task force is unequally represented with adoption agencies, attorneys, and entities that make their living in the business of adoption. The national trend for more ethical adoption reform makes sure there is equal representation of adult adoptees, birth families, foster/adopt families, etc. so that the laws recommended better represent and protect those whose lives are affected by adoption.
Until the monetary aspect is removed from adoption there will be unethical practices, whether it be infant adoption or foster/adopt. The Federal "incentives" that are available to both DHS and adopting parents through tax credits don't serve to truly protect the children involved in adoption, because these financial incentives influence policy and practice more than making sure adoption is done ethically.
Furthermore, six U.S. states have restored the unconditional right of all adult adoptees to obtain their original birth certificate, which also serves to ensure more ethical adoption practices. These changes are strongly supported by the Child Welfare League of America. The American Adoption Congress and the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute are two excellent resources for the most up-to-date information about ethical adoption reform across our nation.

AdoptiveMom, Broken Arrow (11/22/2009 8:17:58 AM)

A RAD child is not one who gets in trouble for spilling something on the carpet. A RAD child is one who will calculate how to hurt people, and then carry it out with no remorse. They poison their families, they set fires, they molest their siblings and threaten to kill them if they tell, they physically assault their parents. Don't judge until you have walked in the shoes of someone who has tried everything at the risk of life and property to help one of these kids and nothing will work, or had to move and keep you whereabouts secret to protect your other children. You might recognize the names of some grownups with RAD, . . . Dahmer, Hussein, Hitler, . . . get the picture???

Sanity, Broken Arrow (11/22/2009 10:29:45 AM)

I don't know whether or not my grandson who I took in is RAD. He is now 27, has a wife and 5 kids, has had many jobs, never held any for any length of time. I still am his family's main support.

He is near violent, but never really hurt anybody. I have rescued him from many infractions.

There is always a "carrot" in front of my face. Success is sure this time, over and over.

There was an adoption for educational purposes only; but nothing to return him from - and no place to return him to.

I can't see his kids abandoned to be adopted out. I am caught, still praying and trusting for change.

I sympathize with all of the above unfortunate adoptees. Dealing with my problem kid has taken peace and brought much misery to my life - though I do still care about him.

Few Clothes, America (11/22/2009 11:50:29 AM)

just wait till i publich my book.

I truly doubt if anyone would want to publish your book 2deep. They would go insane trying to proof read and editing it.

FUTURE WORLD, Tulsa (11/22/2009 3:15:46 PM)

If people are not totally committed to an adopted child then they shouldn't adopt. Children will be treated like puppies. Once they grow up and become to much trouble, they dump them on the street. Is this what Oklahoma wants? Adopted children literally dumped on the street.

AdoptiveMom, Broken Arrow (11/22/2009 10:36:20 PM)

This will be my last comment on this article, because it is obvious unless folks have walked down this road, they can't understand it (I can't blame them, because I wouldn't have either before I started my journey.) First, the proposed study would be for extreme cases, not anyone who simply had a problem with a child. Every parent has problems sometimes, but that is not what we are talking about. Second, giving a child back, or barring them from your home is an agonizing decision for ANY parent, adoptive or biological, and one I'd not wish on my worst enemy. Most of the adoptive parents I know with RAD kids did not go into it expecting little angels, but they didn't expect their lives to be in danger, either. But parting food for thought . . . . if you learned that your bio child was sneaking into their sibling's room at night to molest them, what would YOU do? If you found out that your constant physical problems were due to your bio child poisoning you with the hopes you'll die soon, what would YOU do? Now what if there was no remorse for any of it, only resolve to try harder for success next time. Keep them in your home and hope you are not the next breaking news story when they succeed? Or do whatever you can to get them out to protect the rest of your family, and ache because of the decision for the rest of your life?