Tulsa World: Village people

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Village people
Can the old ways of caring be revived?

By JANET PEARSON Associate Editor
Published: 9/20/2009 2:57 AM
Last Modified: 9/20/2009 10:54 AM

It's happened to all of us. You're at the grocery story or the drug store and you notice an exasperated parent trying to discipline a child. The exasperation level grows to the point you worry what might happen later.

Should you say something to the parent? Should you mind your own business? Or is the simmering problem your business?

Research shows that more than half of all adults and two-thirds of parents would be willing to intervene in such instances, but most just don't know what to do.

Front porch project

A national effort aimed at training people from all walks of life how to appropriately intervene in such circumstances is growing and recently took a step forward in Tulsa, where child-welfare advocates received training in how to implement the American Humane Association's Front Porch Project.

In a nutshell, the Front Porch Project is about what its name conjures up: People connecting with others in their communities, using the right kinds of information, skills and techniques, to improve their relationships and keep children safe.

That's an oversimplification, of course, but there's evidence that on this front, simple approaches sometimes are the better ones.

Two dozen participants recently undertook the training, and some of them received additional training that will enable them to train trainers.

The impetus for The Front Porch Project is something like that old saying about cops: How come there's never one around when you need one? There likely won't be a child-welfare caseworker around when one's needed either. But a neighbor might be, or an acquaintance, or a complete stranger.

Tulsa's Parent Child Center, a child abuse treatment and prevention program, partnered with the American Humane Association to bring the training here. Director Desiree Doherty participated.

"The whole idea is, how do you become a person who's non-judgmental, understanding and supportive, how do you make yourself available in helpful ways, in case a parent or family is at the point they need to reach out and say, 'I've got to have a break.'"

She said the training, which has a very structured curriculum, is "very experiential and interactive and participatory." Trainees leave the sessions with all kinds of new notions about what they could do if they witness something worrisome.

"There's no one right answer. There couldn't be one right answer that addresses the needs of every family, because the needs are so personal and specific to that family," she said.

Neighbors

Trainers had to keep reminding the participants that this wasn't professional staff development. "We kept having our professional hats on and AHA kept saying, 'You've got to take off that hat.' We're talking about being a neighbor, being in the PTA. We're talking about where you live."

The training prompted participants to "start thinking individually about our own personal situations," and in Doherty's case, spurred her to stop and meet a new family while out on her evening walk. "Usually I'd wave and smile, then keep walking. Instead, I crossed the street, went over and said hello, and told them if they ever need anything to please feel free to call.

"It was wonderful. It was a chance to know them, and now every time I see them I'm going to cross the street and say hi and stay interested."

For decades, an elaborate and sophisticated child-welfare system aimed at protecting children has been evolving. But according to the AHA and other sources, the number of children abused or neglected by caretakers has continued to grow. Federal statistics show that in 2007, about 794,000 children were the victims of physical, sexual or emotional abuse or neglect.

Don't count on the system

Some experts believe the advancement of child-welfare systems actually has contributed to the breakdown in informal support and protection systems, because they unwittingly promote the belief that the "system" should take care of the problem.

Surveys conducted here by the state Department of Health, which oversees child-abuse prevention activities, found that parents at risk for child abuse or neglect, and even some already in the system, see state services as useful but "overwhelmingly" turned to family and friends for help with parenting. The conclusion is obvious: Put some answers and advice in the hands of family and friends.

The intervening steps can be as tiny as making eye contact and smiling at a distressed parent, or offering a neighbor a few hours of respite, or stopping the car to observe a suspicious situation. They can even be amusing: A sure-fire distraction in intense situations is knocking over a store display (although you may not be able to go back to that store). There are all kinds of creative possibilities: One participant suggested to a store manager that candies and other coveted goodies be removed from the check-out line, where parent-child hostilities often intensify.

Building a community

It all sounds so old-timey, so Waltonesque: helping to keep an eye on all the village children. But does it work? Can it work in this day and time?

Doherty cautions that the end result of Front Porch training isn't necessarily "to expect abuse reports to go down" because sometimes intervention "will be in the form of getting authorities involved, so numbers of reports going up is not necessarily a bad thing."

She said the experience of five counties in the Tampa, Fla., area, where Front Porch participation has grown steadily over the last half-decade, is encouraging.

More than 600 area residents have received training in Tampa, and from them reports of some sort of intervention involving more than 21,000 children have been received. Who knows how many useful connections were made, horror stories averted, serious needs met by such interactions.

Doherty summed up: "Ultimately, it's building a community again that cares for children, so that there are many, many people looking out for their well-being. There's something in that that gives children a great sense of security, a sense of boundaries. We've lost a lot of that."

janet pearson 581-8328
janet.pearson@tulsaworld.com By JANET PEARSON Associate Editor

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	Report Comment T.B'Ville, Bruins (9/20/2009 7:48:56 AM) They cant train the people they already have. They have no business trying to start something like this.
	Report Comment fredsdad, Tulsa, OK (9/20/2009 9:37:36 AM) The government is not satisfied with the job our parents did raising us to interact with others. Government action is not only reqired, but urgent to correct the deficiencies. Teach me what car to drive, what loan to get, what insurance to buy, what medical care I need, where to set my thermostat, how much I should be paid, what light bulb to use, what medicine to take, what groceries to buy. And now they will teach me how to be a neighbor? It is a miracle I have lived this long without such instruction. Thank God for big government. I can't wait for my instruction in the finer points of the utilization of toilet tissue.
	Report Comment Lance-a-lot, Tulsa (9/20/2009 9:48:55 AM) fredsdad: You always place the roll to go over the top...lift the seat for #1 and always flush anytime you throw TP in the toilet. This comes from the U.S. Office of B.S. (aka: the White House).
	Report Comment Mar, Tulsa (9/20/2009 10:39:19 AM) LOL Lance-a-lot. I agree with fredsdad. This is just another feel-good liberal program. Instead of others trying to do the parent's job, the parents should be doing the parenting. It is unfortunate it has come to this, but jail time and high fines can be conducive of making crappy parents be better.
	Report Comment MomboCat, Harrah (9/20/2009 11:31:27 AM) "They?" Is that "they", "the government" (as opposed to "We the people")? What "This" is it that's coming from the White House? Is it the program described in the editorial? From what I could read, it was a program by the American Humane Association and the Tulsa Parent Child Center. Neither of these is a part of the government. The editorial actually goes on to suggest that Government is not helping the problem. Why are all the responses to this program anti-government screeds? Is learning how to intervene in the abuse of a child some kind of liberal character flaw? The only alternative suggested so far is to rely on the criminal justice system. Isn't that a government program? Let's see, you don't want the government trying to stop child abuse until it's discovered, prosecuted, and punished. You don't want individuals making gentle attempts to divert abuse. And you don't want charities training people how to be good parents and neighbors. I guess all parents just have an innate predisposition toward good parenting which is just being subverted by all those do-gooder governments, charities, and individuals?
	Report Comment zzx375, BA (9/20/2009 11:45:58 AM) "I can't wait for my instruction in the finer points of the utilization of toilet tissue." Yes. Very much needed.
	Report Comment zzx375, BA (9/20/2009 11:46:47 AM) "Can the old ways of caring be revived?" And the basis for these old ways was/is......?
	Report Comment 2ndjoyce, BA (9/20/2009 11:56:05 AM) If there were no problems there would be no reason to start thinking about how to resolve them. My thanks to those who step out and try.
	Report Comment Darkstar, (9/20/2009 1:10:43 PM) The simple, simple truth here is that the news is news only if it gets an audience. If it is not capable of receiving an audience, and more particularly a large one, the story is just simply not news. If by some chance there happens to be a day that the news is incapable of finding a news story that garners such attention, they will find a way to make one. News is the product of the media. It is that which it distributes to the public, and if it's not selling well they tend to put something else on. ------------------- Your village called...they want their idiot back!!!
	Report Comment moogle, Tulsa (9/20/2009 3:58:01 PM) >> There's no one right answer ... Tranquilizer dart works every time.
	Report Comment Few Clothes, America (9/20/2009 8:03:51 PM) Oh heck, Lance-a-lot. I forgot to lift the seat when I did number 1! Woe is me, woe is me!
	Report Comment Bullhead, Nicut (9/21/2009 1:49:52 AM) I always talk to the kid who is acting out. Distraction usually works. They forget they were raising hell and start talking to me. Works 99% of the time.
	Report Comment Centrist, the burbs (9/21/2009 2:22:56 AM) We know it wasn't free, the national trainers had to train the local trainers. It did say it was a national project. With that said, when I first heard about this weeks ago my first thought was that that many parnets would tell you to mind your own business and maybe even embarass the person trying to help causing others to look to see why these two people are in an arguement in public. I think it would take a lot of guts to try to intervene.
	Report Comment 2ndjoyce, BA (9/21/2009 11:16:42 AM) I've had to scrub my mouth with soap on a toothbrush when I was younger, SR. And what I said wasn't close to what you just said. I think I only called my brother a dummy. :)

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