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Lest we forget
Families battling Alzheimer's cling to good days and memories
Bob Sillman suffers from Alzheimer's disease. "You just have to look at it like it's just another hurdle you have to go over, get past," he said. "You can't dwell on it. Can't get that oh-me syndrome. That would really depress you." MIKE SIMONS/Tulsa World
By JASON ASHLEY WRIGHT World Scene Writer
Published: 11/1/2009 2:21 AM
Last Modified: 11/1/2009 10:17 AM
It wasn't like Bob Sillman to have angry outbursts. Wasn't like him to forget numbers and names, to not follow conversations.
Certainly, it wasn't like him to drive the same way home from work as he'd always done, only to sit in the middle of an intersection, wondering whether or not to make a turn.
"Sometimes, it's like I don't know him," said his wife, Shirley. "Sometimes, though, it's like he's Bob."
That's just who he was the day we chatted — Bob Sillman, age 60. Retired machinist, father of two, husband of 41 years to Shirley, his primary caregiver. Bob is also an Alzheimer's patient.
As many as 5.3 million people in the United States are living with the disease, according to information from the Alzheimer's Association, which recognizes November as National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month.
Every 70 seconds, someone develops Alzheimer's disease, said Tonda Ames, spokeswoman for the Alzheimer's Association Oklahoma and Arkansas Chapter. The disease is the seventh leading cause of death.
About 60 percent of family and other unpaid caregivers of people with Alzheimer's disease and other dementias are women, according to the association's "2009 Alzheimer's Disease Facts and Figures." Women like Shirley, as well as Cathy Meyering.
Cathy's husband, Ed, was in his 50s when he found out, she said. He had retired in May 2006. A PET scan the following year showed he had Alzheimer's.
"We kinda thought it might be that, but we weren't for sure," said
Cathy, who started noticing Ed had problems with his short-term memory. "It was pretty sad. Just a hard thing to accept."
'Something was going on'
Although tell-tale signs, like occasional forgetfulness, had plagued him, Bob didn't know he had Alzheimer's until after a heart attack the spring of 2006. Shirley noticed those signs seemed to accelerate by July. That December, they were told it was Alzheimer's disease.
"I wasn't surprised," Bob said. "I knew something was going on."
He and Shirley had seen people with Alzheimer's before, but they were usually older. But he had younger onset Alzheimer's (formerly "early onset," Ames said) — a designation for people who have the disease before the age of 65.
Ed is 61 and now in the "middle stage" of Alzheimer's, according to Cathy. He forgets things every day. Sometimes, his confusion is easy to detect. That's why it's best not to rush him, to have him focus on just one task at a time.
Having a routine helps quite a bit, Shirley said. She and Bob wake up around 7:30 or 8 a.m., he takes a shower and gets dressed (which he can do on his own right now), then has breakfast.
"That's one constant that he has," Shirley said. "The paper and a cup of coffee." He may not remember later what he read, but sometimes he circles things he'd like Shirley to read. Later, they might putter around in the yard, walk their golden retriever, read a little.
"I just keep him engaged," she said. "I don't let him just sit and feel sorry for himself."
Not that he seems to have done that so far.
"You just have to look at it like it's just another hurdle you have to go over, get past," he said. "You just deal with it. You can't dwell on it. Can't get that oh-me syndrome. That would really depress you."
Alone in the afternoon
Although Ed is retired, Cathy still has her job. "I'm going to work as long as he can stay by himself," which he does fairly well right now. It will probably come to the point she'll have to decide between finding adult day care or retiring herself.
"My problem is trying to anticipate what's going to happen in the future," she said. "That's my biggest worry — how fast he's going to progress."
She worries about him being alone in the afternoon. "He hasn't wandered off or anything; he doesn't get lost if he goes outside. He hasn't yet, anyway. That's always a concern, that he might get out and walk away."
Cathy worries about his memory, too — specifically, his forgetting loved ones. He remembers her and the immediate family, she said. "Cousins and stuff? No. I have to remind him who they are."
Bob looks through family albums once in a while so he won't forget.
"It's something that's going to happen down the road," he said. He just can't think that far ahead, not now.
"There are some times when he doesn't remember my name," Shirley said. "He calls me Hon.
"But he told me in his heart that he would always know me."
10 warning signs of Alzheimer’s disease
Your memory often changes
as you grow older. But memory
loss that disrupts daily life is not
a typical part of aging. It might
be a symptom of dementia.
Dementia is a slow decline in
memory, thinking and reasoning
skills. The most common form of
dementia is Alzheimer’s disease,
a fatal disorder that results in the
loss of brain cells and function.
This list can help you recognize
the warning signs of
Alzheimer’s:
1. Memory changes that disrupt
daily life
2. Challenges in planning or solving
problems
3. Difficulty completing familiar
tasks
4. Confusion with time or place
5. Trouble understanding visual
images and spatial relationships
6. New problems with words in
speaking or writing
7. Misplacing things and losing
the ability to retrace steps
8. Decreased or poor judgment
9. Withdrawal from work or
social activities
10. Changes in mood and personality
If you or someone you care
about is experiencing any of the 10
warning signs, please see a doctor
to find the cause. Early diagnosis
gives you a chance to seek treatment
and plan for your future.
Alzheimer’s help
You can contact the Alzheimer’s
Association 24-7 by calling its 24-hour
helpline, (800) 272-3900. You can
also e-mail admin@alzokar.org.
For a list of Alzheimer’s support
groups, visit tulsaworld.com/alzsupportgroups.
And for more about Alzheimer’s
disease, visit tulsaworld.com/alz.
Seeing purple?
Like pink is symbolic of
breast cancer, purple is the
designated color to bring
awareness to November as
National Alzheimer’s Disease
Awareness Month.
During the first week of
November, the BOK Center
will be lit purple, according to
Tonda Ames with the Alzheimer’s
Association Oklahoma and
Arkansas Chapter.
Jason Ashley Wright 581-8483
jason.wright@tulsaworld.com
By JASON ASHLEY WRIGHT World Scene Writer
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