Jay Cronley: Tulsa's a desert, with no oasis in sight
BY JAY CRONLEY World Staff Columnist
Friday, July 20, 2012
7/20/12 at 4:22 AM
Ask the real weather expert.
Question: How can it be hotter in this city than it is in Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Oklahoma City and Dallas?
Answer: It has to do with a high pressure system that anchors itself right over our heads and causes air to become stagnant.
These systems are easily identifiable. Big H's can be placed exactly where they are on all weather maps.
A subscriber new to the furnace chain suggests that when the heat becomes this dangerous, something should be sent up there to try to move or circulate the disgusting air.
Q: One television station says the high will be 102. Another station says the high will be 108. Somebody says the low will be 78. Somebody else says the low will be 84. One of them says it will turn cooler toward the end of next week. Another of them says it will remain scorching. With no precipitation to worry about, why can't they at least predict the same temperatures?
A: Perhaps it's a little harder than it looks.
Hellooo, Death Valley: Q: How much longer will the heat attack last?
A: A major cooling-off period generally occurs Halloween week.
At least two more months of heat can be expected.
September is the new August.
August is the new Death Valley.
Q: What's the car convertible season here?
A: May 15, June 2 through 4, September 25.
Q: Why so many Ozone Alerts in this city, compared to places like L.A.?
A: Ozone is a colorless unstable toxic gas formed from oxygen by electrical discharges or ultraviolet light. Perhaps it becomes ingrained and builds up and carries over like smoke in a casino.
Q: Does the Weather Channel even know we're here?
A: Doesn't seem so, as those meteorologists are too busy watching their hometowns when it's 90.
Through gloom of heat: Q: When is the best time to water the lawn?
A: Around the clock.
Q: Do you have any dog-walking tips?
A: Yes. Walk the north-south streets. East-west streets are five degrees hotter.
Q: Who has the toughest job in the oppressive heat?
A: It's no contest. Mail carriers.
I love mail. I love stamps and opening hand-written envelopes containing surprise thoughts from friends and mail carriers who arrive about the same time every day.
If it's almost too hot to get mail out of a box, imagine delivering it all day.
Original Print Headline: Tulsa's a desert, and no oasis is in sight
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