The Picker: Counting down bad things football offers
BY The Picker
Thursday, October 25, 2012
10/25/12 at 5:21 AM
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Original Print Headline: Counting down bad things football offers
Here are the 10 worst things in football.
Only two years of fake national championships to go.
OU plays the BCS game better than anybody, losing early and eliminating the pressure and passing all the teams that might be better but lose late.
9. Kansas City Chief quarterbacks.
This team attracts bad throwers the way Alabama collects linemen.
Teams that are good everywhere except at quarterback can no longer win it all because there are too many good throwers coming out of college.
8. Jerry Jones.
Has his own radio show.
Hires wooden puppets.
7. Point spreads.
Vegas is too good.
The professional line-makers practice voodoo.
Ninety percent of the bettors took West Virginia minus a few over Kansas State.
Another spooky number is Oklahoma State favored by 9 over TCU.
When they miss a number, like OU-Texas, it's only obvious to most after the fact.
6. The Missouri offense.
The chants from the Tiger fans have evolved this way: SEC, SEC, SEC, SOS, SOS, RIP.
5. Mack Brown.
Has turned the greatest job in all of football into something resembling a fantasy draft pick by guys on their fourth pitcher: a guessing game.
4. The Baylor defense.
Seriously bad, perhaps dangerously bad, it's like eleventh-graders are inside the uniforms.
3. Phil Simms.
Announces like he's being paid by the shrill and meaningless word.
2. The San Diego Blues.
This lousy Charger team is detracting from one of the greatest uniforms in all sports history - the electric blue-lightning bolt combination.
Charger blue makes Carolina blue look watered down.
Watching the Chargers get kicked in these great uniforms is like watching the Yankees boot the ball around while wearing pinstripes.
1. Pro pass interference.
The worst rule ever, sports back through ancient law.
The pro pass interference rule gives the player who may or may not have been fouled a completion.
A good completion rate on passes of more than 15 yards is what, half, 50 percent?
The college pass interference rule is perfect.
The moronic pro rule, and its 50-yard penalties on balls that couldn't have been caught, often lets the wrong team win.
Notre Dame at OU (-9 1/2): OU wrote the book on how to play the BCS charade: Be the best (highest rated) one-loss team and you could be in.
Notre Dame will try to make this a rerun of the K-State game, using a delay game on offense, and searching for turnovers.
The Irish have a nice defense and won't let OU run a lick.
So it's all on Landry and the catchers.
One strong element in Notre Dame's favor is that all the "experts" are picking OU.
Mike Stoops coaches up a froth.
OU by 17.
TCU at OSU (-9): We tried to tell you about TCU from day one: the rugged TCU teams you remember are well established in private business.
These guys are really lousy on defense.
Not Baylor lousy. Not Texas lousy. But close.
TCU will be lucky to win more than half its games.
OSU is all guesswork.
Home team by 6.
Mississippi State at Alabama (-24): How good is Alabama?
Miss State is undefeated and ranked 11th and is more than a three-touchdown underdog.
Bama by 21.
Baylor at Iowa State (-2 1/2): Couple of Big 12 mutts scratch around for leftovers.
Iowa State by 4.
Georgia versus Florida (-6): Remind you a little of Baylor-Iowa State?
Florida by 7.
USC (-6 1/2) at Arizona: Oregon will have to beat USC twice.
You people around here still miss conference title games?
USC by 4.
Ohio State at Penn State (-2 1/2): Urban Meyer thinks he is much more interesting than is actually the case.
Ohio State by 6.
Texas Tech at Kansas State (-6 1/2): Kansas State has the Heisman favorite, the coach of the year favorite, the likely conference champ, and is a national title contender, all without a four-star recruit.
The impossible has already been surpassed by K-State.
Home team by 7.
Mississippi at Arkansas (-5 1/2): Some Arkansas fans are so goofy that they actually think their team is getting better instead of playing worse foes.
Ark by 7.
Michigan at Nebraska (-3): Battle of future Canadian league second-team all-star quarterbacks.
Nebraska by 2.
New England (-6 1/2) versus St. Louis: Goes in London for some wacky reason.
The NFL isn't doing well enough in America?
Young, fleet quarterbacks getting more ink than OU Sam.
New England by 7.
Seattle at Detroit (-3): Baseball team defuses scorn.
Seattle by 3.
Washington at the Steelers (-4): A brief history of the recent great running quarterbacks in the NFL.
Vince Young: He's where?
Colt McCoy: A single vicious hit added about five years to his age.
Michael Vick: Turnover machine, some want him fired.
Cam Newton: Surrounded by Kryptonite.
Stay in the pocket, RG3.
Steelers by 3.
Giants at Dallas (-1 1/2): Could Jerry's clowns actually beat the best team in pro football twice?
Dallas by 3.
New Orleans at Denver (-5): NO is playing defense like there's an office pool: first person dressed and in the bus wins.
Denver by 7.
San Francisco (-6) at Arizona: You make the call: A defensive masterpiece or a couple of lame offenses.
SF by 7.