Pop always grabs the dinner check
BY Ask Amy
Sunday, November 04, 2012
11/04/12 at 3:49 AM
Dear Amy: My girlfriend is great. Her parents are very prosperous. Whenever we go out to dinner, my girlfriend's father lunges for the check and won't let us pay. I swear I try to get it but don't want to create a scene.
I appreciate this generosity, but it makes me a little uncomfortable. I hate that I'm not paying my way. We're young and haven't quite struck it rich, but I could certainly afford to pay for a meal here or there.
Given that I am being prevented from demonstrating my generosity, I'm wondering what you would think about sending them a thank-you note along with a token of my appreciation. Would a gift card be appropriate? I'm not sure how this would come off, but I can't think of anything else to do. - Grateful Boyfriend
Dear Grateful: I love your issue because you give me the opportunity to fly the flag for all the under-recognized people out there who actually want to demonstrate their generosity and gratitude.
Mainly, my in-box contains gripes and complaints about ungrateful guttersnipes who run for the restroom as soon as the check arrives. But let me describe the other side of this issue. For many parents, picking up the check provides a little jolt of joy. It tells us we've made it in life and are able to be expansive. Continue to reach for the check but don't steal dad's thunder.
There are many ways to reciprocate other than treating at a restaurant. You and your girl could get tickets to the theater or a concert for her folks. If that isn't affordable, you could cook them a dinner at one of your homes. If you are available and so inclined, you could also volunteer for a "chore day" at their house. (You'd earn my undying gratitude if you'd grab a ladder and clean out my gutters. They might have a similar reaction.)
Do send a thank-you note (but not a gift card). And let me send you an Ask Amy Good Conduct Medal for "services becoming a young person."
Dear Amy: "Not So Blushing Bride" wasn't crazy about the idea of her future father-in-law (a clergyman) officiating at her wedding. In addition to other issues, she was a Catholic and he's a Protestant.
I'm a "preacher's kid" and faced the same dilemma many years ago when I got married. I thought your advice was great. We compromised and had both faiths represented at our wedding, and my dad had his day in the sun too. - Still Married
Dear Married: "Dad's day in the sun" speaks to one of "Blushing's" concerns. The ceremony should be about the couple.
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