Jay Cronley: Holiday mealtime is stuffing and nonsense
BY JAY CRONLEY World Staff Columnist
Friday, November 16, 2012
11/16/12 at 3:38 AM
Too much to drink?
What's that, rehab talk? Is that where you two went on your extended vacation last year? Isn't one of the steps minding your own business?
Two beers and one glass of that sale rack wine, that's not too much to drink for a beginner.
It's Thanksgiving. Relax. Pass the stuffing without those soggy oysters, and that red smart phone.
Smart phone; at least it's named right - look how they conned you out of paying all that money for a toy.
Look how many phones and Kindles and pads are on this Thanksgiving table. Count them - five, six, seven; it's no wonder society is crumbling.
Smart phones are what, one percent business, one percent safety, 98 percent pornography, liars, cheaters and con artists? Pass me that red one so I can use it as a coaster.
Get it in gear: That's right, this glass may be tall, but it still counts as one drink.
Listen, what's going on out front with those cars?
You know what it looks like?
It looks like a high school reunion, everybody trying to impress somebody but not saying the $50,000 car is leased.
One quick thing. Might have nicked the Mercedes on the way in. Just touched the right front bumper. Not the white Mercedes. Not the cream Mercedes. The one next to the Corvette. Talk about being oblivious to the sledgehammer of time; somebody over 45 years of age driving a Corvette? Come on, put a light over the bathroom mirror.
Who's is that thing anyway?
Please tell me you won it at a drawing out at the casino.
That's too bad.
Keeping score: Sports?
Haven't been to a game in two years.
That's because they're all spoiled overpaid brats who would sell out their hometown cities for a measly hundred million bucks.
The coaches are posturing phonies.
It wouldn't surprise me if it was all crooked and the only honest thing left was horse racing.
By the way, that's a nice look you've got going on there, that barbed-wire tattoo - yes sir, lots of barbed wire here in the city, should put you over the top at the next job interview.
Come on, let's go, somebody pass the cheap wine this way.
It's not Thanksgiving without a drunk uncle.
Original Print Headline: Holiday mealtime is stuffing and nonsense