Ex-boyfriend’s mother is still Facebook friend
BY Ask Amy
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Dear Amy: Our daughter
broke up with her first boyfriend
in the middle of her
senior year in high school.
They began dating in her
sophomore year. Now they
live a 2½-hour plane ride
apart and she is a freshman
in college. She remains in
casual contact with him
online but has no desire to
resume a romance.
During the time they
dated, his mother became
“friends” with her on
Facebook and continues
to comment on her posts
and check in on her page.
We think this is inappropriate
and meddling. We
would never “friend” our
children’s teenage romantic
interests unless it was very
serious. Our daughter feels
it could be viewed as rude
to “unfriend” her.
What are your thoughts
on this sticky situation? —
Upset Parents
Dear Upset: Following a
Facebook friend’s posts is
not exactly cyber stalking.
Many people maintain contact
and friendships with
their kids’ exes and this is
not necessarily inappropriate
or meddling unless the
responses or comments are.
If your daughter doesn’t
want this woman to see her
posts, she can “unfriend”
her. Otherwise, she can
adjust her privacy settings
and prevent this mom from
seeing her posts without
unfriending her. If the
mother notices this and
sends her a message to ask
why, your daughter can
simply be honest and say,
“It makes me uncomfortable
sharing my personal
posts with you.”
Dear Amy: My future inlaws
have offered to pay for
our rehearsal dinner, and I
am grateful! The restaurant
we are going to that night
has a nut-free kitchen but
brings in desserts from outside
bakeries that use nuts.
I am severely allergic to
nuts and can’t be close to
nut products without having
a reaction. We chose
nut-free desserts that I can
safely be at the table when
they are served. My future
mother-in-law is demanding
that a nut-filled dessert
be served (it’s her favorite).
My fiance and I have
politely tried to explain this
issue and have told her we
would pay for the dinner
ourselves, but she says she
is not willing to even attend
the dinner “when the bride
is being so selfish.” Amy, I
feel it is reasonable to ask
not to be around something
that could hurt me. — Allergic
Fiancee
Dear Allergic: Your future
mother-in-law’s statement
is extremely rude, but I
believe that some people
either don’t understand
the severity of nut allergies,
or they deny that these
allergies are “real.” You
and your fiance need to sit
down with her for a firm
reality check.
If she won’t cooperate,
pay for the celebration
yourself and invite her to
be your guest. If she doesn’t
attend, understand that this
is her choice.
Send questions via email to
askamy@tribune.com or by mail to
Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500,
435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL
60611.
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