Sharing a house means sharing all expenses
BY Ask Amy
Thursday, November 22, 2012
11/22/12 at 2:37 AM
Dear Amy: I have been living with a guy for almost two years. Even though he owns his own house and continues to pay the bills on his own house, he lives with me (including eating all of his meals here). He has never offered to share the expense of living at my house, though I've brought it up.
I have children at home, and his response has always been that his living in my house doesn't add any additional expenses. I disagree with this and feel that I am being taken advantage of and that he should offer to pay his own way - at the very least pay for his own food.
Am I blowing things out of proportion, or is this guy basically living off of me?
When he and I go out alone, he pays for my meals and any date-related expenses, but when we planned a recent trip together, he didn't hesitate to tell me exactly what my share would be.
What's your take? - Disadvantaged
Dear Disadvantaged: After two years of living together, you should not gingerly bring up a topic as important as money in the hopes that your guy "offers" to pay a share of the household living expenses. Nor should you necessarily characterize him as "living off" of you if he does pay for some things.
If you share a household, then it is completely reasonable to put all of your shared expenses on the table. Include rent, utilities, food, etc., and negotiate what expenses you each will assume. Fortunately, if you can't work things out, he already has a house he can go home to.
Dear Amy: I'm responding to a question in your column about whether it is wise to have a parent officiate at a wedding. As the father of three daughters and a pastor serving a parish, I declined to officiate at their weddings.
I officiate at the weddings of members of my parish (and baptize their children). It is an important part of ministry. I am not my daughters' pastor. I am dad. On their wedding days I filled the role of dad and walked them down the aisle - a far more fulfilling role than to stand in for their pastor.
They need to build their own relationship with their pastor. They already have one with me. - Pastor Mark
Dear Pastor: Wise. Very wise.
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