Unwanted touching makes mom uneasy
BY Ask Amy
Thursday, December 06, 2012
12/06/12 at 2:19 AM
Dear Amy: My mother-in-law has no situational awareness. She often pets or strokes my 1-year-old daughter in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable.
For instance, she will rub her leg all the way up to her diaper over and over, and let her hand rest at the top of her thigh, or will put her hands under her shirt to rub her chest. This makes me uneasy. I feel that if I don't say something now, very shortly those things are not going to be OK. Some of the areas my mother-in-law touches are my child's private areas and should be off limits.
My mother-in-law will also stroke my child when she is in my arms and her hand will brush against my breasts. She will also let her hand rest in my husband's upper thigh and crotch. He has talked about how uncomfortable this makes him, but he won't say anything to her.
The whole thing gives me the heebie-jeebies. I want it to stop, but I am not sure how to do that in a way that is effective but doesn't permanently damage the relationship. My mother-in-law has early dementia, so whatever I do will have to be reinforced over and over. - Worried Mom
Dear Mom: You must tell the truth about this unwanted touching - and you should do so in a way that is respectful, gentle and repeatable.
You don't say whether your mother-in-law has always done this, but this sort of stroking might also be a symptom of her dementia.
Tell her, "Mom, I'm a little 'touchy' about touch. Always touch 'Baby' over her clothes."
If she rests her hand where it is not wanted, you (or her son) should gently take her hand, place it elsewhere (on your or his arm, for instance), say, "Here. This is better for me," and pat her hand. She craves (and we all need) physical contact. Be patient, firm and kind.
Dear Amy: You asked to hear from readers about how to tell someone they are odorous.
Our college baseball team developed a new greeting. Team members attend weight training at 6 a.m., and we practice for a couple of hours in the afternoons. And with homework and socializing, few have time to run down to the laundry room and wash uniforms every two days.
Consequently, the team members now greet each other saying, "Smell you later!" - Aromatic
Dear Aromatic: The reply to this greeting is, of course, "... Not if I smell you first!"
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