Road warrior stays too connected
BY AMY DICKINSON
Friday, January 18, 2013
1/18/13 at 5:14 AM
Dear Amy: My husband travels by car all week long for his job. He feels the need to be in constant contact with me via his smartphone.
He calls and emails constantly while on the road. Even though I work part time, he feels I should be in constant communication with him.
I admit it was fun while we were dating, but I no longer have that much to say during the umpteenth phone conversation that day. Plus I'm too busy to constantly answer his texts, emails and phone calls.
He feels it's my responsibility to talk to him while he's away from home. I have very little downtime, and while I want to talk to him two or three times a day, 10 texts and 10 calls is too much for me.
How can I get him to understand that it is not that I don't love him or want to talk with him, but I just don't have that much to say!
I would like to have an hour or so each day by myself to read or catch up with others instead of talking to him. - Too Connected
Dear Connected: Your husband may be using his contact with you as a way to pass the time between sales calls (or appointments) when he's tooling through lonely towns in his car. (At least, that's how I picture him, passing through lonely towns in his car.)
My first suggestion is that you two negotiate a settlement to (at least) cut in half the number of phone calls during the day. It is not your responsibility to take all of his calls, regardless of whatever else you have on your plate.
Your husband needs to realize that the less time you spend responding to his calls, the more time you will have to build up some good old-fashioned longing for him.
Before his next trip, spirit a little surprise into his car. Stick a note to the steering wheel that reads, "I can't wait to talk to you tonight, Honey." This might inspire him to hold off on calling until day's end.
My second suggestion involves downloading the audio version of a few good books onto your husband's phone. This might inspire him to take in a little literature or learning while he's tooling around. This could transform his business week.
Dear Amy: "Grieving Widow" was confronted at her husband's funeral by a man who accused her husband of long-ago sexual abuse.
I can imagine her pain, but as a survivor of abuse I assume the victim in this case has suffered far longer. - Survivor
Dear Survivor: Causing an innocent person's suffering does nothing to ease a victim's suffering. This is an unhealthy equation.
Send questions via email to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
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