Abuse survivor ponders telling victim - his sister
BY AMY DICKINSON
Saturday, January 19, 2013
1/19/13 at 5:20 AM
Dear Amy: You have published letters from people in all walks of life and of all ages who have one thing in common - they've all been sexually abused.
I'm one of these people. I was abused many years ago by a teen neighbor. My sister was abused at the same time. It was a "one-time only" event and consisted of what you might call "sexual touching."
I've never discussed this with my sister (or anyone else). We're about a year apart in age. She's a year younger than me. This took place more than 50 years ago.
Should I bring up this subject? I don't even remember the name of the boy who did this, so there's no going back to the old neighborhood and warning others. - Older Brother
Dear Brother: You should talk about this. This incident has been on your mind for more than 50 years, and you need to communicate about it in order to try to understand it and place the abuse in some kind of context.
I can imagine that this is quite bewildering and painful for you. Ideally you should seek out a professional counselor and discuss this in therapy before taking this memory to your sister. Your sister may have a completely different memory or reaction to this event, and you should have professional guidance as you go through this process.
Male Survivor is an organization committed to helping men and boys heal from sexual abuse. Its helpful website can connect you with other survivors and professionals (malesurvivor.org). One of the most powerful messages is a very simple one: You are not alone. If you and your sister are able to communicate about this, you will reinforce this message to each other.
Dear Amy: "Democrat in Hiding" said her husband's political views had become extremely conservative and he had become belligerent over the years.
Many men become reactionary, angry and intolerant because they feel a lack of personal power in their world. She should not allow herself to be bullied by him. She should work to show him that he still is important in her life and has value.
Perhaps in time he will come to understand that with age comes wisdom but not absolute truth. - Rocco
Dear Rocco: This is insightful. Thank you.
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