New year starts with unwanted advance
BY AMY DICKINSON
Monday, January 21, 2013
1/21/13 at 4:17 AM
Dear Amy: This New Year's Eve, my best friend's husband acted inappropriately toward me.
I didn't say anything; I just shrugged off his advance and left, and I haven't seen him since.
He has never acted this way before and was very intoxicated at the time. I'm not excusing his actions but I wonder if it merits a response, either to him or his wife. Last year I cheated on my husband, came clean, and have worked hard to rebuild my marriage. I will never do that again.
I wonder if he knows about my indiscretion and thinks I am "easy" now. I worry that he might be acting this way toward other women and may be successful if I don't say anything but if I do say something to my friend, will the damage be irreparable?
I want to look out for my friend, but I'm not sure I can face the consequences of reporting this. - Soberly Reflecting
Dear Sober: You should respond to this - partly because it is still bothering you and partly because he needs to be put on notice that this is unacceptable, drunk or sober.
You're an adult. Put into words what bothers you.
Speak with the offender, not his wife. Contact him and say, "I know you were very drunk on New Year's Eve. You came on to me, and I want you to know that I don't like it. You need to make sure this never happens again."
I give you 95 percent odds that this man will say he is unaware of his actions, and in his embarrassment he may lash out to blame you. Don't be drawn in to a conversation about your behavior. This is about him.
Dear Amy: "Furious Teen" wrote you about her bullying teacher. She definitely should have notified the principal of her school that the teacher took her and her sister on a field trip without a permission slip.
This teacher endangered his credential by so doing. In California, students must have a permission slip - one on file in the school office and one with the teacher - that authorizes medical care in case of an emergency.
A teacher was removed from my school and from teaching because of his bullying behavior. This student should write down her complaints and give them to the principal, with the support of her parents. This man should not be teaching. - Concerned at School
Dear Concerned: Many readers responded to this letter with stories of being bullied by teachers. I am hopeful that with increased awareness of bullying at school, students will be aware of their rights and be proactive about reporting abuse.
Send questions via email to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
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