Baby's photo book is minus a page
BY AMY DICKINSON
Thursday, February 21, 2013
2/21/13 at 2:29 AM
Dear Amy: My wife and I have a baby daughter. This year for Christmas we gave a photo book of our daughter to all of her grandparents and great-grandparents, chronicling our child's first nine months.
We collected candid and impromptu photographs with everybody in the immediate family - except for my stepmother. The reason we don't have a photo with her is because she is super-picky about pictures. She will frequently ask for photos of her to be deleted, due to her unhappiness with her appearance.
Now that the book has been received, my father and stepmother are angry and "feeling slighted" that a photo of her was not included. They have accused us of not trying hard enough to obtain a picture of my stepmother with her grandchild. They claim that we should have informed my stepmother as to our intentions in order to get a good photo.
My wife and I feel this is unfair. We didn't plan to do this project when we were taking the photos originally.
Did we do the wrong thing? Can we correct it? - Trying to do Right
Dear Trying: I love your idea and intentions, but ask yourself: How would you feel if you received a family's chronicle of a child's first months, only to see that you were the only family member left out? This is an especially tender issue with stepparents. I can understand how being left out of this photo book would hurt your stepmother's feelings, certainly if everybody else was included.
Acknowledge this to your stepmother. Tell her you were trying to surprise everyone and were too rushed to be inclusive. Tell her you'll make sure to include her in the next photo book, and ask her to forgive this oversight.
Dear Amy: "Joan" wondered if she could justify spending a cash gift from her parents on her dream of taking a trip to India.
Look at the problem this way. Making lots of assumptions, Joan, 50, earning $40,000 per year, will make and spend another $600,000 by age 65. She will come home from her retirement luncheon with one of two thoughts: I have $10,000 in the bank, a long-ago gift from my parents; or, I remember the golden face of Krishna, with serpents around his neck, lighted by 100 candles, dancing on one foot, and smiling at me.
Go, girl, go! - Perry
Dear Perry: Now I want to go, too! Thank you for the encouragement.
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