It takes a good friend to find a good date
BY AMY DICKINSON
Saturday, February 23, 2013
2/23/13 at 5:18 AM
Dear Amy: I'm a 27-year-old black woman in graduate school. I have never been in any serious relationship, and am wondering if you have any advice on how to change this.
I'm attracted to men of different races, but find it difficult to make connections to many black men. My family is from Africa, and I was raised in the suburbs (read: surrounded by white people).
Black men sometimes don't think I'm "black enough," since I didn't grow up in a black community and have different experiences being first-generation American. Men from other races don't seem particularly drawn to me, and at this point I'm not really sure what to do.
I'm introverted and don't open up very easily, although I've been actively trying to change this. I've also tried online dating on two very reputable dating websites, with no dates resulting from either.
I like myself and am trying to be my most authentic self, but am frustrated that no one special has ever come into my life. If you have any tips on how to change this, I would be grateful. - Chronically Single
Dear Single: I think you could start by confiding in a good female friend, who might be able to give you some pointers that emphasize your best traits.
Maybe you should try a shorter (or longer or funnier or quirkier) "me statement." But before you go full on into online dating, I would suggest taking advantage of the resources at the college, which you say has a diverse student population. Certainly you should embrace your background as an asset that gives you interesting perspectives and intriguing narratives to use in conversation. Have you considered seeking out a social organization for fellow Africans - or other social organizations?
Join organizations that will take you outside your comfort zone. Use social settings to practice proactive flirting, interacting and being open to people from all sorts of backgrounds.
Dear Amy: I loved the letter from "Joan." She wanted to take some money she was being given for her 50th birthday and spend it traveling to India.
I was a tour manager for over a decade, taking older people on trips all over the world. I cannot tell you how often I had people tell me they had saved their entire lives to travel, and then one of the spouses had passed away or was unable to physically make the trip to do all the things that had been dreamed about.
I took that vicarious lesson to heart. - Tour Guide
Dear Guide: The only readers advising against this trip were people who had never traveled. Thank you.
Send questions via email to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
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