Red flags are flying over online relationship
BY AMY DICKINSON
Monday, March 04, 2013
3/04/13 at 4:01 AM
Dear Amy: I met my boyfriend online three months ago. We have not met yet (in person) because he is deployed in Afghanistan.
Recently, he started getting really angry over small things. For example, he got mad when a male friend commented, "Y'all are cute" about a Facebook picture where I was posing with my sister. He also got mad because I wanted to go to the gym (because he thinks guys will try to flirt with me).
I understand how he might feel about me being around guys, especially when he isn't exactly free to do what he wants. I also understand the fact that he might be afraid to lose what we have, without being able to control it. I understand all that. That's why every time he gets angry, I try to reassure him and let him know that he has nothing to worry about, and that I am going to wait for him until he gets back, and we can finally be together.
Despite my efforts, I can't seem to avoid the unnecessary stress and frustration, especially when he often ends the conversation abruptly. I know what we have is real, and I want to give us a chance.
Can you help? - Upset Girlfriend
Dear Upset: I'm sure you are a very sweet person. I'm going to do you the favor of giving you a tough and straight answer, which I hope will jolt you awake. Consider this a triple espresso response.
He is trying to control you. Do not let him. He is trying to manipulate you. Do not tolerate it.
Overall, this is not a safe relationship for you to be in - even from a great distance. Your vulnerability to manipulation is worrisome, but your choice to question it tells me that you know - you absolutely know in your bones - that this is wrong and harmful to you. Please share all of this with a close friend or family member.
If your long-distance friend acts out or communicates in ways that scare (or worry) you, contact his company chaplain.
Military OneSource is a very helpful resource operated by the Department of Defense. Check the website: militaryonesource.mil or call (800) 342-9647 to speak with a counselor.
Dear Amy: Regarding the letter from "Helpless," who overheard other diners loudly discussing business matters: As a consultant the rule was, never talk about business at a small-town restaurant. Clients or their family may be sitting nearby. Examples of small towns were anything smaller than Tokyo. - Retired Consultant
Dear Consultant: Very wise.
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