American-Tribune (copy)

When I first started working for a newspaper in the 1970s, I used to keep a clip file of unusual or funny church signs. I never knew if I would ever use it, but I did anyway.

That file has long since disappeared, but I scoured the Internet recently and found 20 that might cause you to think or maybe bring a smile to your face.

Here we go:

• The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

• What section would you prefer in the afterlife? Smoking or non-smoking?

• Acting perfect in church is like dressing up for an x-ray.

• Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.

• Don’t give up! Moses was once a basket case.

• Honk, if you love Jesus. Text while driving, if you want to meet him.

• God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

• The best vitamin for a believer is B1.

• Call 911; our pastor is on fire!

• Lord, help us be the people our dogs think we are.

• Less hate, more pancakes.

• Don’t make me come down there — God.

• How do we make Holy water? We boil the Hell out of it.

• Church parking only. Violators will be baptized.

• Trust in God, but lock your car.

• Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your bible.

• I hate this church — Satan.

• What happens in Vegas is forgiven here.

• What could this sign say to get you here on Sunday?


• Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.