Bulletin! Scientists have uncovered a species once hopefully thought to be moving toward extinction, but surprisingly, disastrously now resurgent.
This species, jerkus pompasaurus egomaniacus, must have been proliferating, mutating in vacuous dark environs lacking educational facilities and exposure to compassionate thought processes or caring environments.
Specimens are identified by narrow-mindedness, elitism, recalcitrance toward compromise, unhappiness, insecure demeanor, resistance to new ideas, fits of anger, prejudice and outrageous behavior.
Specimens exhibit colorless, uncomprehending countenances, or pale tortoise-like exteriors and resistance toward progress. Extant examples may take on unnatural orange coloration and be prone to incoherent rambles.
Extreme activities such as clumsy, unsuccessful attempts at copulation by stalking and ambushing unwilling prey targets have been noted. All known specimens seek to occupy dwellings and positions of authority without proper qualifications or clearances.
Scientists recommend that all specimens of this species be placed in isolation and quarantined until further studies have been completed.
Tom Payne, Tulsa
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